What I Never Had
by Cat and Fiddle
Summary: [Summary inside] The kikaichu affect the Aburame, and the Aburame affect more people than they suspect. [Kiba's POV. Shino x Kiba. Genre will change, rating for later chapters.]
1. Let

_**What I Never Had**_

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**Summary:** Kiba had always felt a little suspicious of the kikaichu- and not just because they were bugs or because they lived inside of Shino- but now he positively despised them.

**Pairing(s): **Shino x Kiba

**Rating:** M for violence, angst, language, and yaoi content.

**Author's Notes:** Aaah, oh no! I've done it again: I've started another series. Full credit to Bitch Slap Love for giving me the idea for this with her drabbles _Over and Over_, all of which were very well written by the way, I think I've read the thing at least four times now.

Another one done from Kiba's point of view, because really... I think it's just an interesting way of portraying Shino and Kiba's relationship that gives a flavor you just can't get from third person or Shino's point of view.

Kiba is just... something else. That's why I love him so much.

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_1: Let_

IT WAS DARK, as if beyond the canopy of leaves above me the stars had all gone out. It was cold, and my breath fogged has I breathed, shivering and drawing my heavy coat closer. Out of the corner of my eye, Shino looked like a statue, standing beside me in our tree on an outcropping of rock. Neither of us looked back, but the wall surrounding Konoha was a dark speck far behind us.

"Shino?" I breathed, rubbing my hands to heat them, pressing them to my cheeks. Shino didn't answer, but that was expected. I was used to his reticence. "Aren't you cold? Damn, your freakin' breath isn't even fogging."

He didn't deign to answer me.

"Did you die?" I teased, reaching out to poke him. He caught my wrist painfully and I winced, whining under my breath that he didn't have to be so rough and that I was only kidding- he knew that!

"No," he said, "I did not die. You disappoint me, Kiba."

"Well, it's hard to tell, if you stand so still and your breath doesn't make fog!" I defended myself, probably a little louder than I should have, since Kurenai and Hinata were asleep. I self-consciously lowered my voice, "Are you gunna answer my question?"

"What was your question?" he responded. I rolled my eyes.

"Forget it," I sighed, shaking my head. "What were you thinking 'bout?"

He hesitated, probably trying to word it in some way he figured I could understand. Damn him.

"I was thinking about my kikaichu," he finally stated. I tilted my head, curiosity piqued.

"Do your kikaichu get cold?"

He shuffled a hand from his pocket to scratch his head before adjusting his glasses and returning it to the pocket. "No, but they become sluggish."

I shivered, trying not to imagine what it felt like to have millions of bugs crawling around beneath my skin.

"So insects are cold-blooded?" I suggested. I figured that if reptiles got sluggish in cold weather, and reptiles had cold blood, then kikaichu must be cold blooded too since they also were sluggish in the cold. It made logical sense.

"No," Shino answered curtly.

"Oh," I scowled.

It was quiet and I tapped my foot angrily, even though, admittedly, my anger had quickly receded and I honestly didn't care anymore.

"So..." I started again cheerfully, examining the fringe of my jacket sleeve- it was getting dirty- "Are your kikaichu all you ever think about?"

"No," he answered just as quickly as before. I gave him a quizzical look and he sighed, realizing he had dug himself a nice, deep grave. He fidgeted for a moment before answering; "I think about you, and Hinata-sama... sometimes Kurenai-sensei. Recently, my father."

I raised an eyebrow at this, letting my hands settle on my hips. "Huh?" I said, "You mean Shibi?"

He nodded. "Yes, Kiba, my father. Is that odd?"

I scratched my cheek idly, "Naw, I guess not. Why, is something going on with the Aburame clan?"

Another hesitation, this time to find an un-offensive way of declining me information; "Nothing of note."

"All right then," I said, "Tell me this 'nothing of note'. We've still got two hours before the morning comes."

He shifted nervously, edging a little further away from me. I couldn't help but smirk when he realized he was the one farthest from the trunk of our tree-perch and the branch was not a particularly thick one- he couldn't edge too far.

"It is nothing to concern yourself with," he said.

I snorted. "All right, now you've got me really interested," I laughed, "Spill it, bug freak."

He sighed. "It is... family business."

"I thought I was considered family," I pouted, folding my arms across my chest, giving my best kicked-puppy-Akamaru face, and he frowned.

"It's nothing, really," he sighed, the tension in his shoulders relaxing minutely as he gave in, "I've just noticed that recently my father has not seemed himself."

"What do you mean?" I asked, "I didn't notice anything strange the last time I saw him."

Shino shrugged, ducking farther into his collar, something he did when mulling a tough thought over. "As I said, it is just a thought. I may be wrong, but he seems to be losing mass."

"Losing mass? Is that your way of saying he's losing weight?"

"That is one way to put it."

"Naw, he can't be losing weight. He looked a little fatter than before, if you asked me," I assured him, shaking my head.

"Actually," he said rather matter-of-factly, "I am almost positive that he's lost a substantial amount of weight in the last two months. Floorboards that used to creak when he treaded upon them don't anymore-"

"Maybe they finally fixed the floors at your place. I bet you guys had termites."

"I could say the same of the Inuzukas and fleas," he shot back.

"Hey! That was only once!" I barked.

"Then that makes one more Inuzuka with fleas than Aburame households with termites," he answered coldly. I scowled.

"Whatever," I muttered, turning away. He scoffed, but I ignored it, fully aware of how childish I was being, but not caring.

"... He can't lift his gourd as easily as he used to," Shino continued.

"He's probably just getting old," I said, rolling my eyes.

"He's just past forty, Kiba," Shino said sternly, eyebrows forming a sharp angle over his glasses, "He's not old enough for natural degeneration of the muscles."

"You make it sound more unnatural than natural," I grumbled.

"He eats as well as always and trains equally hard," he told me, "there is no logical explanation to why he is... losing weight, as you phrased it."

I rolled my eyes, turning to him. "Hey, this was just a thought, right?" He frowned, but nodded. "And you've got no solid proof, so you know what I think?"

"I shouldn't worry about it."

"Damn you, yeah. That's what I thought."

He sighed. "I really don't know."

"Just stop worrying," I waved it away, "I mean... you're probably just paranoid and imagining it. Kinda like when you were dead sure Hinata was being impersonated by an enemy ninja when the poor girl was just trying to be more confident 'n stuff."

"I do regret that," he said, "You are right. I will follow your advice, for the time being."

"Damn straight, I'm right! It's your fault she almost never overcame her timidity!"

"I count myself lucky Hinata-sama is so forgiving, and for Naruto-san intervening."

I let out a breath through my nose, watching the puff of white breath drift away.

"Yeah, Naruto did a little bit... but in the end, you know it was all me."

"Kiba..."

I laughed, "I know, I know. I was only kidding, sheesh! Lighten up, bug freak."

"Hmm," he hummed and I chuckled a little more, but he had effectively ended our conversation, though I was still pleased. Once again, I had tugged a little and he had let me draw him out of his reclusive state for a while, to expose more about himself, before he withdrew again. I watched him lift his chin above the collar of his coat and exhale.

I imagined I could see his worries over Shibi drifting away into the night.

_**- - -**_

"OOOOI! HINATA! KURENAI! Wake up," I sang at the top of my lungs, "It's morning, time to hit the road!"

Shino gave me a disdainful look. "Splendid, Kiba. If there are any rogue ninja within ten miles, you have just alerted them to our presence."

"Good morning, Kiba-kun, Shino-kun," Hinata greeted, crawling out of her tent sleepily, rubbing her eyes. I grinned.

"Yahoo! Today'll be a good day," I predicted, leaping from tree to tree around our clearing on all fours like Akamaru, as was our usual morning routine, "I can tell!" Hinata smiled and giggled, already getting the things together to prepare breakfast. She and Shino watched my antics with amusement.

"Kiba!" Kurenai growled, and I was knocked out of the branches by a projectile pillow. Damn, if I'd known those things could be so solid. What was Kurenai sleeping on, a rock covered in cotton?

"Kurenai-sensei," Hinata murmured, "It is the time that you requested Kiba-kun woke us..."

"I know that!" Kurenai grumbled crossly, emerging from her tent, tugging a hand through her unruly morning-hair. "And damn it all to hell if you think today's going to be a good day!" she shouted at me. I grinned and threw her pillow back at her, and it caught her full on in the face.

I laughed and rejoined Akamaru in the trees.

"Why do you think that it will not be a good day?" Shino inquired, stepping out of the way of Akamaru's dynamic marking, as he had expected it.

I swear, one of these days we'll get him.

"Because Kiba is loud and obnoxious and I have to spend two more days with him!" Kurenai complained, digging a brush out of her messy pack and dragging it through her hair. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Yeah, but I gotto deal with your and your crankiness for two whole days!" I shouted back.

"Shut your trap!" she ordered.

"Fine!" I said.

"Fine!" she answered, sitting next to Hinata who by then had a fire going.

"Ne, Hinata, I want bacon!" I announced, springing from the trees and landing with a flip nearby.

"I'm sorry, Kiba-kun," she said, stoking the flames a bit, "We don't have any bacon..."

"Awe, that sucks," I muttered, plopping down to her right, making especially sure to keep her between me and Kurenai. Shino walked over, but remained standing to my right. Akamaru was still playing.

"Stop complaining," Kurenai ordered, tossing her brush in the general direction of her pack, which was messier than mine.

I think I've been picking up too many habits from Shino.

Breakfast was served and eaten, then the tents were packed away, and we began the last leg of our trek. Being as excited as I was for the good day ahead of us, everyone was walking excruciatingly slow, so Akamaru and I took to the trees, whooping and hollering.

Which, of course, only served to aggravate Kurenai further, but that was entirely my point.

_**- - -**_

THE VILLAGE WE were going to was a lot smaller than I had imagined. I counted a total of seven buildings, five adults, three children, a cat, and two rats from the entrance, which didn't have a gate, to one of only two inns in the entire place.

All this counting was a by-product of my boredom, due to excruciatingly slow teammates.

Confound my energy.

I relayed these numbers to Shino, but the only reaction I got was a quirked eyebrow. Booring!

What does a guy have to do to get some action in his life?

The counter lady at the inn did give me some amusement, as I noticed that she wore a wig, which smelled strangely of horses. I would have relayed this to Shino then, too, but Kurenai elbowed me in the ribs.

I guess she was still pretty mad.

Our rooms were small, kinda like everything else in the town, and Shino and I had to share. Nothing new, except there was only one bed. I debated whether or not I should offer to take the chair or something, but Shino simply unrolled his sleeping mat from his pack and spread it out across the floor.

No arguments, then. I'd kinda wanted the bed, anyways.

"Hey, Shino," I began conversationally, "Wasn't that counter-lady weird?"

Shino stopped his unrolling; "She was strange. Did you see how much make-up she wore?"

"Huh. No, I didn't," I frowned, "I was thinkin' that her hair smelled like horses and was fake."

"That is quite possible," he agreed, returning to his sleeping-bag, "I thought there was too much there for it to be real."

I laughed, catching the subtle humor of it that he probably hadn't even intended to put there at all, "Yeah."

Someone knocked at the door connecting our room to the girls' one.

"Yes?" Shino answered and I stood to open it.

"It's Kurenai, open the door," our leader announced, banging a few more times.

"I'm coming, I'm coming! Yeesh!" I said exasperatedly, letting her in. She glared at me as she stalked through, closely followed by Hinata, who gave me an apologetic smile which I waved away.

Whatever, it was just Kurenai- who cared what she said?

"All right, everyone take a seat," Kurenai announced, "I'm going to do a final briefing on our mission tonight."

We all settled onto the bed.

God, I hate briefings.

"An hour before dusk we will go to meet the client about his disappearing equine," she explained, "He will give us the details and we will lie in wait for whatever is picking them off, capture it, and either kill it or take it elsewhere and release it. Simple. You all got that- _Kiba_?"

"Hey! Don't give me that," I whined, "I know what to do!"

She sighed, "Right. Hinata? Keep an eye on these two ruffians."

"I don't suppose they'll need it, but I'll do my best, Kurenai-sensei," she answered, blushing. I rolled my eyes.

"What are we to do until dusk?" Shino inquired. I tipped my head; he had a point. Dusk was at least four hours away. What was there to do until then?

"Whatever you want," she shrugged, "Just don't get in trouble or rack up a bill. I'm not paying, this time." She pointedly glared at me and I gave her my un-readable grin. She grumbled under her breath and left, slamming the door behind her.

"I assume 'don't get in trouble' includes being an unobtrusive as possible," Shino commented offhandedly, though I knew it was directed at me.

"And slamming the door like that was unobtrusive?" I shot back. He paused, then tilted his head to one side as if unsure of how to classify our teacher's door slamming. I scoffed and got up.

"Well, I'm going to explore!" I announced, "Anyone with me?"

"I'll come," Hinata said, joining me in standing. We stared Shino down until he _almost_ squirmed.

He sighed, "I suppose someone has to be there to monitor you two..."

I grinned; "Naw, Kurenai-sensei gave that job to Hinata!"

She smiled, "It's okay if Shino-kun wants to be the monitor. I don't mind."

"Suit yourself," I said flippantly. Shino was already partway out the door, so I had to stop there to follow him, Hinata close behind me.

For being so reluctant to explore, he sure did get out of the room fast.

_**- - -**_

I DIDN'T NOTICE it at first, but after wandering around the town for a bit with Hinata and Shino I realized it had a funny smell.

"You guys smell that?" I asked, sniffing.

"Kiba, you know we can't," Shino said. I shrugged, sniffing a bit more.

"I was just wondering if it really was a strong as it seems... huh."

"What does it smell like?" Hinata asked. I sniffed a few more times.

"Kinda like... oh, duh!" I smacked myself in the forehead. "It smells like horses. Kinda."

"Maybe everyone here is a breeder, like our client?" Hinata suggested.

"I doubt that," Shino said, "but it is likely that they all have close affinities with horses."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," I drawled, rolling my eyes. Hinata giggled and Shino frowned behind his collar. I spied a tea house and pointed it out. "Hey, let's have dinner there," I exclaimed, "tab's on Kurenai!!"

"Ah- Kiba-kun-" Hinata began, but I was already running toward the restaurant. She sighed.

"Do not worry," Shino informed her, "Kurenai will deduct it from his payment when we get back to Konoha."

She laughed and they followed me.

The inside of the shop wasn't as plain as the outside of the building, but it wasn't particularly nice, either. In fact, it was pretty dingy, even by my standards. It was made up to be old-fashioned, with low tables and pillows for kneeling and geisha swirling about with cups and dishes. The dim lanterns swung and the air was thick and heavy.

Apparently, this place was the center of the life of the city, as there were a good amount of people and lots of noise there.

I was satisfied.

"It's too noisy, Kiba," Shino stated, "Let's find somewhere else."

"Awe, but Shino!" I pouted. He always found something to complain about.

"I'm kind of interested in the tea here," Hinata mumbled. Shino looked at her, then sighed, adjusted his glasses, and flagged down a geisha.

"Party of three," he said. She nodded.

"Right this way," she replied with a smile. I surreptitiously sniffed.

"Hey, Shino, her hair smells like horses, too," I whispered when her back was turned. Shino snorted.

"This whole town smells like horses," he answered, "according to you. Why are you surprised?"

I gritted my teeth; "Shut up. I was just... I dunno. It's different, kinda."

"Thankyou," Hinata said as we were seated, me and Shino on one side, Hinata on the other. I picked up the menu and Hinata mimicked.

Shino appeared as though he wasn't going to order. I rolled my eyes.

"What do ya gotta complain about, now?" I asked.

He always had some kind of problem with the places I picked to eat at, even Ichiraku's. There was always something he didn't quite like.

"Kiba," he murmured, chin tucked deep into his collar, "This is a drug house. There is opium in the air. It is... bothering my kikai."

"Oh," I said, startled. The waitress returned.

"We have changed our minds," Shino told her, and both Hinata and I put down our menus. The lady blinked, and I noted that her hair smelled differently than she did.

Another wig.

I tilted my head, considering this fact while Shino and Hinata negotiated a polite, peaceful escape from the tea-drug house, I looked around.

All the geisha wore wigs.

Huh.

I flashed a grin to our waitress before following my friends out of the building. Shino stopped in the street to take a deep breath and Hinata ran her fingers through her hair, fidgeting.

"Now where will we eat?" she asked. I shrugged.

"It's a little too late to eat now, anyways," I observed, shading my eyes as I squinted up at the sinking sun, "We'll have to go without. That sucks."

Shino cleared his throat. "The client's ranch is this way," he explained, hands in his pockets as he trudged away. I could discern a finite line of tension in his shoulders.

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**There goes the first chapter! Please have patience with me... it will probably be about another chapter or two before I get to the real plot. This is just... kinda setting it up, but not really.**

**It's a twist in the plot before the plot even starts; I guess is one way to say it.**


	2. Me

_**What I Never Had**_

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**Chapter Summary:** Things get a little more twisted.

**Chapter Rating:** M, for language, gore/violence, and adult themes.

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_**WARNING:**__ I'm serious about the gore/violence and adult themes. If you aren't of age, or can't stand sickening things... then don't read! I'm sorry, but this isn't for you._

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**Author's Notes:** Whoo, so... I promised the next update would be one of my multi-chaptered stories, but I didn't specify which one so... updating this one next is still fair game! It's just... I was re-reading chapter one for errors (I found one in the first sentence where I said 'has' instead of 'as', which was pretty lame of me) and I just had to write the second chapter because, well... I dunno.

I'm pretty proud of myself, though! Since I've written this, I think (I think) I've seen two other Shino x Kiba fics from Kiba's POV! Yay me, but I do have to keep in mind they might not have read my story, so it might be something they came up with on their own. In which case, props to them.

Now, about my life (and I'll keep it short): I'm in band. You know that (probably), but what you don't know is that between the end of school and practice is about three hours, give or take a half, so what I do is I go with a friend (I'll call him Ginger, even though he hates the nickname) and yesterday (Tuesday) Another guy I know (but don't know well enough to call a 'friend') went with us. We'll call him Frenchie, since he is all-out for the French, yadda yadda.

So, I'm a clutz and I trip a lot, and we're walking to Subway 'cuz it's real close to school, and Father apparently drove by... and maybe Frenchie and Ginger were shoving each other around (they don't get along) and I tripped at the same time (too many coincidences), but Father is convinced that they are bullying me and beating me up.

Which they aren't, thanks. They're really great guys. My father is just racist against anyone not Chinese (which makes _total_ sense, since he _married_ a white woman, wtf?).

**Disclaimer:** I forgot this in chapter one... so let this stand for the whole story: I don't own, I don't make profits, etc.

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_2: Me_

THE CLIENT'S RANCH was just about as lame as the rest of the doped-up town. It stank, too; like horse shit and spoiled feed. The front gate had no lock and the white sign hanging precariously by one rusty nail read, _Happy Horse Farms_ with a picture of a pony (but the paint had chipped, so the creature appeared to have no face past the ears).

"Oh, I get it!" I exclaimed as Hinata poked at the gate, afraid it would disintegrate if she pushed it open. I gave it a good kick for her and it swung on it's hinges. "Equine is the same as horse!"

Shino rolled his eyes and walked through the now open gate. Hinata followed and I paused to close the gate.

"Shit!" I yelped when the sign fell off. Both of my teammates stopped, but only Hinata turned.

"What, Kiba-kun?" she asked. I hopped over the low gate and picked the sign up by a corner, scratching behind an ear with my free hand.

"I, um," I grinned sheepishly, "I kinda broke this." I waved the sign a little and Hinata's eyes bugged out. Shino sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"B-but not to worry!" I exclaimed, "I can fix it. Just watch! Um... let's see... here's the old nail hole... there's the nail- damn, it's rusty- just wiggle a bit and... voila! Perfect. Look, it's not even crooked anym-"

It slipped off, landing on my foot with a dull sound. I stared at the offensive strip of wood.

"Oh, it's on now, you little fucker," I growled, snatching it back up and trying to slam it back onto the nail repeatedly.

"What in darnation 's goin' on 'ere!"

We all looked at the owner of the new voice.

"Eheh, well, you see, uh, sir, we-" I grinned sheepishly, standing and scratching the back of my head. The sign fell with a lot of clatter for wood on dirt (Damn that thing. I swear to god I'm going to tear it to pieces when no-one's looking).

He eyed the sign. "Oh, don' worreh 'bout Ol' Spotteh! She's a always doin' that," he laughed, coming to the fence and reaching over to pick up 'Old Spotty', his hand coming uncomfortably close to my pants, "Aren'tcha, ya d'rned ol' thang?"

He slapped the deteriorating sign back onto the gate and it magically stayed. "C'mon y'all, y'ur teach's waitin' on ya inside," he said, taking Hinata by the shoulders.

I growled and Shino put a calming hand on my shoulder. "Hinata-sama is a grown kunoichi, Kiba," he reminded me, "She can handle herself."

I shrugged away from the touch, muttering, "Yeah, I _know_ that." Then I tagged on, with a chortle, " _'Ole Spotty'_ "

Shino's nose wrinkled as he held down the chuckles.

Another of my life goals: get Shino to laugh out loud.

The guy led us to some dilapidated barn-gone-wrong near the middle of the property, where he let go of Hinata to open the door. I pulled Hinata behind me and Shino protectively, and both she and Shino sighed, but I didn't care. I felt better that way, and that was what mattered.

"It ain't much, but hur ya go," he announced, swinging the door open. It protested loudly and a yellow square of flickering candle-light fell over us. The client ushered us inside.

Inside. Inside was clean, but empty. Bland. There was a sloped table with three chairs, one occupied by Kurenai, and two pots in the plastic stand-alone-sink with no counter. The floor was still dirt, but not one piece of straw from the bale in the corner was strewn across it. A pillow and checkered blanket decorated the hay and I assumed it was his bed.

It reeked of poverty.

"Shino," I whispered, standing on tiptoe and cupping a hand in front of my mouth and his ear, "How's he gonna pay us? I don't think he can afford it..."

Shino swatted my hand away at the look Kurenai shot us. Hinata took the seat across from Kurenai and the client took the last chair.

"My apologies, boys," he smiled wanly, "But my knee ain't so good, so I hain't got no choice nuther'n ta sit, ya see?"

Oh, I saw all right. Bad my ass- the guy didn't even have a knee! It was wood from there down.

"Got it busted up by a hoss," he explained, patting it, "Doctahs did all they could, but couldn't fix it, so they 'ad ta apudate."

"How can you still work with horses if they're the reason you don't have a leg?" I blurted out, then clapped a hand over my mouth. "I mean, uh..."

"I apologize for my teammate," Shino said, stepping in front of me, "He has no manners."

I gave him my best _I'm sorry_ eyes.

The client laughed. "S'alright, I ain't got no manners none neithuh, so don'tcha worry 'bout no manners, young'un. As for da hosses... well, they been in da fam'ly fur fou' gen'rations. Guess it's in my blood ta love 'em unconditional-like, ya know?"

I didn't get it. I would have butchered the beast for smashing my leg to smithereens. Shino pulled me aside as Hinata questioned the client.

"Kiba," he said lowly, "He's not a shinobi like yourself and I. Life goes on without a leg for him. Besides, do you remember when Akamaru bit you?" I rubbed my fingers over the scars on my upper arm, nodding, "You still loved Akamaru after that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but that was different!" I hissed. Shino sighed.

"It is similar enough. Now, Kiba, please try not to say anything else stupid." He turned away to the others, where the client was holding up a picture of his daughter, some ugly, snot-nosed brat with freckles and only a few more teeth in place than him.

"Anything else stupid," I muttered under my breath, joining them.

"You got that?" Kurenai was saying.

"Huh?" I answered. She sighed exasperatedly.

"Please, Kiba! Try to pay attention for once in your life!" she groaned, "I said, Hinata will go with Tobiwara-san to gather all the equine in the barn. Shino will watch the Northeast corner, Kiba will watch the Southeast, and I will watch the West."

"All right!" I exclaimed, pumping my fists, "Let's do this!"

"Kiba! Who is captain of this cell?"

"Awe, c'mon, we're chuunins! Let us do what we want-"

"Kiba..."

"Okay, okay. You are! Ya happy?" I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"No, I'm not. We go when I say go," Kurenai barked. A few moments passed. "Oh, what the hell? Let's do it."

"Yahoo!" I hollered, bounding out of the shack-trying-to-be-a-house. Shino was close behind me and, a good distance directly east of the wanna-be-house, grabbed me by the collar of my jacket roughly. I gagged, stopping dead in my tracks. "Holy cow, Shino! That hurt!"

"Listen, Kiba," he warned, replacing his hands in his pockets, "Try to remain calm. If you shout like that, you will scare the creature away."

"Yeah, yeah. I know that!" I stuck my tongue out at him. "I bet it's a fox. They're good-for-nothing, low-down, conniving-"

"You know the meaning of conniving?"

"Oh shut up!" I scowled, spinning on my heel, "Of course I know the meaning of conniving! Dirty bastard..."

He didn't answer me, so I continued toward the south corner, nearest town.

I'll hand it to Tob-what-ever-his-name-was; he's got a pretty piece of land here. Except for that pile of horse poo I just stepped in.

"Naw, man!" I moaned, bending over to brush it off, "That's disgusting... ugh."

Finding the corner of the property, I settled myself into the corner of the fence, sniffing a bit to accustom myself to the normal scent of the farm. That way, I'd be able to tell if a new scent was approaching.

The smell nearly made me puke, and I actually did gag.

"God, that's awful," I wheezed, covering my nose, "It's like rotting shit... damn, I'm gunna sick if I have to keep smelling it."

I thought for a moment, deliberated a bit longer, then tugged my hitai-ate down so it covered my nose and mouth, quashing the stench a bit.

"It's just a fox anyways," I assured myself, knowing that the hitai-ate would most likely prevent me from detecting approaching scents unless they were really strong, glancing around, "Damn, I hate horses."

For a few hours I drifted between waking and sleeping, pinching myself to stay awake. This god-awful mission was boring as hell. I counted how many stars dotted a square inch of the sky, I counted the number of night-birds that hooted within ten minutes. Hell, I counted the number of splinters I picked up from rubbing my thumb along the top of the fence.

It began to feel very eerie, and I looked around. No movement, 'cept for the wind in the trees a little north of me. No new scents, either. I chuckled softly and chided myself for acting like a little gennin on their first mission.

Then I saw it- a lanky black figure picking it's way across the south side of the field. I growled low in my throat, slinking after it. When I got close enough, I pounced. It gave a strangled squawk and tumbled into the long grass with me. I pinned it down, but the damned this was no fox. Way too strong. It clawed at my face and I fought to hold it down while fumbling around for a kunai (my pack had been shifted in the tussle). Pulling one out, I realized I didn't know if the orders were to capture it, or kill it.

Cursing under my breath, I dropped the kunai, reaching back for a flare. I could feel the creature's ribs beneath my splayed hand with every breath it took. Damn, how could something that was eating so many horses- and damned big horses at that- be so fucking boney? I discarded the thought, finding a flare.

I ripped the seal off and it was a green flare- more expensive and urgent than the usual red or yellow, and a color only Konoha nin were permitted to use. I cursed under my breath again as I tossed it high in the air.

The creature rolled out from under me in my distraction and was a streak of black heading south before I could discern any of its features in the light. I lunged forward, catching a hold of something cold and mushy.

More horse poo. Great.

The flare landed by my arm, casting everything in a glaring green. When my eyes adjusted, a cold thrill shot down my spine.

I screamed.

I was gripping the rotting, maggoty flesh of a horse-head with no hair or mane. The eyeballs, tongue, ears, and large chunks of skin had been torn off and, out-of-focus, I could discern the lump of the rest of its body, shivering as though it were alive and trying to shake off the insects breaking it down on the inside.

I recoiled from the sight, my hand dripping bits of ooze, and turned over so I was sitting.

My breath hitched up a notch; I was sitting in a graveyard for horses, all mane- and tail- less, all in various stages of decomposing.

My gag reflex kicked in, but my flare went out, casting me in near darkness again, so I screamed instead.

Footsteps, then hands on me. I jumped, automatically scooping up the nearly-forgotten kunai and brandishing it. "Oh my god, don't touch me, don't fucking touch me! Oh my god, oh my g-"

"Kiba!" Shino's voice commanded, "Calm down."

I couldn't smell him.

"Shino, I can't smell-" I remembered my hitai-ate over my nose and tore it off, "Shino, the horses, the goddamned horses-"

He pulled me to my feet, producing a pack of matches. I closed my eyes when he lit one. I felt him stiffen beside me, and Kurenai's voice was approaching.

"Kiba!" she gasped, "Shino! Are you boys all right? I saw the flare, green, and- dear god, have mercy!"

The matched burned a moment longer, then was blown out by the wind. I cracked open my eyes.

"Kiba," she said, softer this time. I shrugged, moving away from Shino.

"It's not a fox," my voice cracked when I spoke and cleared my throat afterward. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it with an audible click. I scratched a cheek with my clean hand. I needed to talk. I needed to distract myself. Talking... talking was reflex. Talking was distraction. "It was kinda tall and lanky, and it walked on two feet, but ran on four... and it was all black."

"Thankyou, Kiba," she whispered, guiding both me and Shino back towards the almost-house.

"I'm pretty sure it ran away towards the fence to get out," I mumbled, what I guess was a by-product of shock and horror; maybe a little denial. I just needed to keep talking.

"Thankyou, Kiba," she repeated. It grated on my nerves, so I didn't say anything else just because I didn't want to hear her say it again. But a million thoughts continued to clutter my mind. I relayed to Shino how many stars there were in a square inch of the sky. I told him how many hoots I'd heard in ten minutes. I left out the splinters.

He didn't say a word.

Kurenai left us at the almost-house to fetch Hinata and Tobi-what's-his-name from the barn.

"The horses," Shino said when she was gone, "Bothered my kikaichu. They say... _'The horses have been touched by something which has been exposed to large doses of opium'_ "

I relayed my mutant theory to him with a dry laugh, suggesting maybe it ate opium as an appetizer. His nose didn't wrinkle, and I'd kinda already known it was a joke in bad taste. Really bad taste. So I shut up.

Kurenai returned with a red-eyed Hinata and no client in tow. They were seated and I perched on the table, leaving the seat to Shino, who hesitated before taking it.

I picked at the hem of my sleeve idly before getting up and wandering to the sink to wash my hands, maybe splash my face with some water. Something, anything, to distract myself.

"What happened to your cheek, Hinata-sama?" Shino asked. I stole a glance from the corner of my eye as she reached up to touch the swelling red mark tentatively.

"Oh," she murmured, barely above a whisper, "Th-the horses didn't like me..."

"I hate horses, too," I tossed in, trudging back over to the table, plunking my butt down on it. The far end rose up a little and slammed back down.

"Stop that, Kiba!"

Kurenai's voice was tight and high-strung.

I think we were all a tad tense.

"What next, Kurenai-sensei?" Shino prompted

She sighed and sat back down, brushing a lock of black hair from her eyes. "Well, we found the missing equine, that covers half of the mission-" Hinata continued to stare at her hands in her lap, not asking about the horses; Kurenai must have told her "-and, according to Kiba, the creature ran off the premises. I think our work for tonight is finished. We'll just have to stay another night."

I shivered, but I like to think it was due to the cold weather.

_**- - -**_

I NEEDED SOMETHING to take my mind off of things. Like _really_ needed. So as soon as Shino's breathing evened out and I couldn't hear Kurenai tossing and turning in her bed, I crept out of my and Shino's room, to the foyer.

The receptionist lady with the fake hair was sitting there, smoking a strange-looking cigarette. Her make-up was a little disheveled, and even I could tell it was there.

"Good evening," I whispered, leaning on the counter. She quickly rearranged herself so her feet were not propped up and her kimono- tied in the front this time- wasn't riding up her thighs.

"Can I help you?" she asked. I shrugged.

Sex. Sex was a good way to forget about things for while.

"Know any places I can get cheap sex?" I asked casually, "I need to take my mind offa something."

She looked me up and down, eyes finally lighting on the raised lines on my cheeks from where the thing had clawed me. I self-consciously reached up to check and make sure they weren't too bad.

"Girlfriend troubles?" she suggested, eyebrows raised. There was a strange glint in her eye.

"Yeah, I guess," I muttered, waving it away.

"Come on back," she drawled, snuffing out the cigarette- maybe a cigar?- "You were _such_ a good guest, after all."

She was pretty darned attractive, though probably a lot older than I liked, men or women, but I wasn't going to turn her offer down. Instead, I followed her to the back room. She was sitting on a mattress laid out in the corner, running a hand over the sheets. Her kimono was riding up again.

"Come here," she purred.

I shed my jacket as I crossed the room and she eyed by washboard stomach appreciatively, licking her lips. "Anything I should call you?" I asked, sitting next to her. She helped me out of my mesh undershirt.

"Souto," she smirked, stressing the 'ooh' of the 'u' in it. I let her push me onto my back, focusing on the feeling of her thumbs rubbing circles over my nipples. Not on the oddity of her name being a man's name, or how rough and calloused her fingers were.

She had awfully long nails.

"Souto," I repeated, "You don't need to call me anything."

"Fine by me," she said to the crook of my neck. I grit my teeth, screwing my eyes shut when she rubbed her hips against mine; just focus on the feeling, don't think about the horses, don't think about- shit. I already did. Great going.

Desperately, to refocus my mind, I reached up and pulled her kimono off her shoulders.

_He_ glared down at me, and all hip-grinding stopped.

_I_ was staring at a bruise forming on his left side.

"I can explain," he began in a voice that was decidedly more masculine. I frowned, reaching out to stroke his sides. I placed my hand over the large dark spot; my splayed fingers covered the smaller, lighter bruises.

He took a breath to say something, and I could feel his ribs.

"Oh my god, you w-"

"Fuck yourself," he hissed, grasping my neck with both hands. I tried to shout, but it came out as a strangled squeak. His face contorted as he straddled my stomach. "Yeah, I killed those horses. And damn you that I didn't get another tonight! That nice Arabian... Yess..."

My eyes widened, rolling up in the sockets and I struggled harder. He closed his eyes, smirking and letting his head fall back as he rubbed his hips across my stomach, and I could feel him through the kimono.

I've got nothing against screwing guys, but that made me want to puke; and trust me, I would've, but he was closing my throat off entirely with his choke-hold.

I remembered my free hands and socked him on in the face. He shouted and let go with one hand to hold his smarting jaw, and gulped down as much air as I could through my half-closed windpipe before he clamped down with both hands again.

"Why you little- nng," he took a moment to pin my hands down with his knees, "Bastard!"

I used everything I had to spit in his face, and he let go with one hand again to wipe it away. I gulped down air for that split second, trying to roll and kick him to no avail.

His wig slipped off, landing on my face.

And I realized why it only smelled _kinda-of_ like horses.

Because the horses it came from, were only _kind-of_ horses.

They were kind-of horses, strewn about the southeast corner of _Happy Horse Farms_, rotting. These wigs... were made of horse-hair. Coarse and strong, they smelled of spoiled oats, manure, and horse blood, which I had never smelled before, explaining why I couldn't place it.

I renewed my efforts to get him off.

"That's right, buddy-boy!" he hollered, still rubbing, "I kill them and make wigs for all the geisha! Do you know what I pay them in return for working for me? Huh? Do you?"

I couldn't seem him because of the wig on my face stamping out all light. I shook my head no feverishly, beginning to see spots of white against all the black.

"Opium!" he sang, laughing maniacally, "Opium, opium, opium!" over and over and over... still rocking his hips and laughing... still choking me.

I began counting down in my head, estimating that I had twelve seconds left before I passed out.

I had to count one four times.

* * *

**Oh my god, Souto is fucking insane... I hate him!! By the way, Kiba's opinions of the horses are his and his alone. I love horses, and writing all this about killing them and making wigs out of them is just... I can't believe I did it.**

**I'm sorry! Only one more chapter of this god-awful mission I've sent them on... then the plot-plot (not the twists-in-the-plot) starts, I swear.**

**There are so many twists in the plot which come from this opening mission... I'll reveal them as I go along, incase they aren't clear enough. They are pretty... you don't know they're there because Kiba doesn't and this is strictly from Kiba's POV... well, for now. Maybe later there will be some in the third person for Shino (yay).**


	3. Have

**Chapter Summary:** It's interesting- in a sick sort of way- to watch life unraveling itself.

**Chapter Rating:** Strong T for violence, language, and adult themes.

**Author's Notes:** Long story short- I hate stalkers.

Keep Kiba and Shino's conversation from the beginning of the first chapter in mind. There are a few things there that tie in with some things here that, if you put two-and-two together, you might just notice some very important things that will come into play much later.

_I swear, the next story I update will be _But Don't Stop _or _Always Knock First_... I just have to get this story out of my system before I can get back to those two._

* * *

_3: Have_

THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE about being passed out, like you're there, but not really. Like, you're totally conscious of what's going on around you without knowing it at all. But the thing with being passed out is, as soon as you come to, everything you were totally aware of vanishes.

So, I guess that's why I didn't open my eyes when Shino took my shoulders and called my name. I did open my eyes when Kurenai leaned over and slapped me, though. I opened my eyes rather quickly.

"Shit!" I hissed, sitting up so fast Shino almost didn't pull away in time to avoid knocking heads. I looked around the room, my eyes falling on an incapacitated Souto laid out on the floor, a few belligerent kikaichu roaming around his body, searching for more chakra. My lip curled, and Shino pulled me to my feet.

"It would be advisable not to linger," he stated, the few kikaichu still crawling on Souto returning to him, "Kurenai-sensei?"

"Yeah, of course," Kurenai muttered, leading the way.

I shot one last glare at Souto and spat in his direction.

Back in Kurenai's room, Shino placed me, not gently, but not roughly, on the bed. I scratched my stomach idly as Kurenai paced, and wrinkled my nose. The bastard had cum on me.

Kurenai noticed that I had realized this. "That's a good thing, you know," she told me, referring to the mess on my stomach, "He was so caught up in his orgasm that we took him out without a fight."

"Doesn't change the fact that it's gross," I muttered, glaring at my feet. She shrugged.

"So, what the _hell_ were you doing with him that got you into that... situation?"

I shrugged. "I was trying to take my mind offa things," was my answer. I saw Shino roll his eyes from the corner of my eye. "Where's Hinata?"

"Your attacker's obscene shouting didn't wake her up," Kurenai said indignantly, "You have got to stop pissing people off like that Kiba! One day we're not going to come to your rescue and it'll be too late. What will you do then, Kiba? What th-"

"Hey!" I interrupted, leaning over the side of the bed, peering down at Hinata, rolled up in her blankets on her mat, "She's crying in her sleep!"

"What?" Kurenai asked incredulously.

"I said, she's crying in her sleep," I repeated, "Duh." I reached over and shook her shoulder. "Neh, Hinata, wake up... c'mon, I said wake up!"

"Mmn," she made a face and cracked her eyes open. She blinked a few times, then shakily reached up and pawed at her wet eyes. Sitting up, still blinking owlishly, her lip trembled a moment before she spoke; "S-sorry," she whispered, "I was h-having a nightmare..."

"Naw, that sucks," I soothed, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She turned away, eyes downcast. I frowned at the deep red marks on her cheek. "Damn," I breathed, tracing the separate lines branching from the darker red circle, "What did that horse freakin' hit you with?"

"I-I'm not sure," she answered, shrugging away.

I looked up and noticed Kurenai was glaring at me.

"_What_?!"

"I'm waiting for you to tell me what in the name of god you did to piss the counter-lady, er, _man_, off," she explained, tapping a foot.

"Hey! It's not my fault!" I shouted, "He was the goddamned freak killing the horses- _shit_!"

Silence.

"_What_?" Kurenai's voice cracked.

"Could you explain further, Kiba?" Shino requested. I growled, picking at a loose string in the blanket.

"Yeah, sure," I grumbled. "Turns out his name is Souto, and he was killing the horses and using their hair for wigs for the geisha- Who I guess're pr'olly all guys then, huh?- and he was paying them with the opium, so there's our drug dealer guy too, Shino. Two birds with one stone, I guess. Damn, that guy was a freak..."

"That much was obvious," Kurenai muttered.

I shifted uncomfortably on the bed, running a hand over my belly, scowling. "If that's all, I'ma go take a shower. This is just _sick_," I spat, getting up and going to the bathroom. No-one stopped me, so I slammed the door.

Because _damn_ if I was okay. Like _hell_ I could be _okay_.

I stripped out of my mesh shirt, depositing the ruined garment in the trashcan and slipped out of my pants, leaving them on the floor with my boxers. The bathroom was cramped and I banged my elbow into a wall painfully as I squeezed into the tiny cubicle of a shower. I turned the water on cold, gasping and shivering all over as it hit my back. Grabbing the soap, I tackled my stomach first.

I was definitely going to demand a long vacation from Tsunade-baa-san when I got back. Surely there was something in the job description about mental health days. And damn, did I need a lot of them.

This was just one fucked up mission. I mean, it's not like I haven't been on other fucked up missions before, but this one definitely took the cake.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Go away!" I shouted, "I'm taking a shower."

"Goddamnit, Kiba, get out of the shower _now_!" Kurenai barked.

"No!" I growled, dousing my hair with shampoo, scrubbing it in.

"Kiba-" there was a shout and the door splintered. I howled as soap dripped into my eyes, tearing out of the shower, simultaneously wrapping a towel around my waist.

"What the fuck!?" I yelled, blinking furiously at the butcher knife lodged in my door. I hissed and rubbed my eyes when more soapy water dripped into them. When I looked up, the knife was gone and Shino opened the door, looking a little haphazard with his nightshirt swept mostly off-center and his hitai-ate drooping. I reached out to adjust his glasses for him but he swatted my hand away.

"We have to go _now_, Kiba," he told me.

"First tell me what the hell is going on here- oh shit!" I stood on my toes, peering over his shoulder at the wreck of our room, Kurenai fighting her way out the door, Hinata hovering just behind her. Shino turned on his heel and ran through to our room. I followed him, holding my towel in place on my hips.

Shino was already caught in a fight with another knife-bearing civilian (he ended it quickly, seeing as he was chuunin and his opponent a civilian). I snatched up my bag and, as an afterthought, slung Shino's over my shoulder as well.

"I always thought this mission sucked ass!" I shouted over the noise bubbling up from downstairs, following Shino out the door where we regrouped with Hinata and Kurenai at the top of the stairs.

"See?" Kurenai laughed haltingly as we took the stairs two-at-a-time, drawing our weapons, "What did I tell you? Today was going to be a bad day."

"Oh, shut up!" I growled, smashing a particularly ugly razor-blade-fan-bearing geisha over the back of the head with the handle of my kunai, knocking her out. Another three, two geisha and one civilian, popped up in her placed.

"What are you, fucking rabbits!?" I shouted, kicking one in the stomach while smashing the handle of my kunai into the other's solar plexus.

"You killed him!!" the last geisha shouted, slashing me with her fan as I swung a fist at her, "You bastard!"

"What the hell?" I wondered out loud as she dropped, moving on. I noticed that I had been separated from my teammates, but shrugged it off and continued my way to the exit, periodically hitching up my towel and swiping at the soap threatening to drip into my eyes.

"How could you?" and "You killed him!" were shouted and moaned and cried out at me from all sides. How the hell could these people miss just one man that much?

I finally made it outside, but couldn't find anyone I knew, so I took off down the street, trying to dodge as many unnecessary fights as possible.

There was a choked sob from an alley, and I caught a glimpse of a girl squatting in the dark, half-hidden by a pile of trash, crying. Glancing around, I decided I had enough time to check on her, and skidded into the alley, crouching in front of her.

"Hey," I whispered, reaching out and tapping her forehead, "You 'kay?"

She peeked up at me through her stringing rusty-red bangs then ducked back into her arms, letting out a choked sob. I frowned.

"Guess not, huh? Here, I can get you outta here, just get on my back-"

"I found him!"

"Shit!" I stood, spinning to face the only easy way out of the alley, which was rapidly filling with civilians, all brandishing weapons of any and all sorts. The leader stepped forward menacingly, and I brandished my kunai, falling into a defensive stance.

"You killed him!" he said, brandishing a red-hot iron horseshoe with his tongs, "You killed him!"

"Why in the hell do you care so much!?" I shouted, taking a step back. The advancing crowd let out a collective groan of despair.

"He was the life of the village!" someone shouted.

"Yeah! Before he came along, we were nothing! No travelers stopped here!" another added.

"He brought us the miracle herb!" the leader droned, "And the men in black cloaks with red clouds began coming here from all distant corners of the country!"

"Black with read clouds? Akatsuki?" I muttered, "That's insane. That miracle herb is just opium, you idiots!" I shouted, holding the kunai a little higher. As the mob drew closer, the girl burst into tears and lurched forward, grasping onto my leg.

"Get on my back!" I ordered, keeping my eyes on the ringleader as I leaned over for her. She made a failing attempt to get on, but couldn't because of the two packs slung over my shoulder. "Shit," I cursed, gripping the kunai with my teeth; I spun and scooped her up, one hand under her for support while the other held on to my towel. She instinctively wrapped her arms and legs around me, holding on tightly.

"Kill him!" the mob chanted, and the ringleader bounded forward with a loud cry, the others closing in equally rapidly.

"Fuck," I hissed. "Good riddance!" I focused my chakra into my legs and sprang high enough to land awkwardly on a roof. The girl's hair whipped in my face as I ran, and more soap dripped in my eyes. But I ran.

_**- - -**_

THE GIRL WHIMPERED quietly, signaling to me that I had to stop. My eyes were burning like hell and I was beginning to worry I would go blind, anyways.

"Hey, it's alright," I lied, setting her down carefully on a branch, twisting to peer over my shoulder. We were somewhere between where I'd left Akamaru. (Too big for such a small town and, supposedly, low-rank mission. Which I guess it still was low-rank, just highly fucked up.). She immediately sobbed and turned to hug the tree trunk. I sighed and wiped my eyes, taking a seat myself.

"Sorry 'bout that back there," I said, trying to slip into my unreadable grin, but I couldn't quite find it. I kept whatever half-demented grin I managed glued to my face, though, as I dug through one of the packs, hoping it was mine, but getting the feeling that, from the neatness, it was Shino's. Eventually I pulled out a cloth and wiped my eyes with it.

Now able to see, I noticed she was watching me. I revamped the grin, hoping it was a little less readable, and nudged my pack a little closer to her.

"I know it's probably messy, and I'm sure you'll find a couple pairs of boxers, but there's food in there, somewhere," I told her, shrugging and returning to Shino's bag. I pulled out a shirt and pants. "Sorry, could you close your eyes for a sec? I kinda need to put some clothes on."

She didn't answer me, but closed her eyes and turned away. I dressed as quickly as I could and sat back down, sighing and running a hand through my hair, which was slick with soap and beginning to clump. I heard her rummaging through my things.

She seemed oddly familiar. I sniffed as quietly as I could.

There it was, like a ton of bricks, under all the opium and the scent of bloody horse-hair wigs, the same smell as Tobi-what's-his-name. I took a sidelong glance at her and discerned the splotchy freckles hidden under a thin layer of grime.

"I only used it on my face," I started, holding out the rag from Shino's pack to her, "So it should be okay. If you wanna clean your face, I mean."

She looked at me, then accepted the rag.

I began to wonder where Shino and everyone else was, and if I should go back for them. I stood abruptly, "Hey, I gotta-"

She looked up, shifting ever so slightly, but ever so slightly enough to knock my pack from the tree. It landed with an awful crash, and I heard a few distant shouts.

"Shit! Great, just fucking great- fuck, don't you cry! I wasn't, I didn't mean, uh- _fuck_!" I pulled at my hair as she bawled, dropping the rag as well and clinging to the tree again. I grabbed her arm, pulling her to her feet.

"I didn't mean- oh, fuck, just... try to cry _quietly_, alright?" I hissed, "We gotta get away from here. Let's go." I picked her up again, slinging Shino's pack onto my unoccupied back.

_**- - -**_

AKAMARU WAS WAITING for me when I arrived. He stood and barked eagerly, and the damned girl burst into loud wails again.

I was really getting sick of her. She had to have been at least twelve, but she acted like a freakin' five-year-old.

"Shush, shush," I tried to keep my voice soft and soothing, but by nature my voice was a bit rough, "It's just Akamaru. See? He's real nice. Yeah, that's it."

Akamaru was walking circles around her, and she giggled and pet him. I chuckled and hoisted her onto Akamaru's back (his shoulders stood four inches over her head). Her eyes widened with shock and I whispered to Akamaru to play nice and not do anything we would normally do. Just walk.

Minutes later, Shino, closely followed by Kurenai and Hinata, appeared. I saluted them and they nodded in return.

"Kiba!" Kurenai barked, rushing over to Akamaru and pulling the girl off his back, "Be careful!"

"What?" I growled, "You don't trust Akamaru?"

"_She_ is Yuyuko! Tobiwara-san's daughter!" Sensei explained. I blinked a few times.

"Yeah? So?"

Kurenai sighed aggravatedly, balancing Yuyuko on her hip. She didn't waste her breath on me. "Hinata," she said instead, "are the villagers still following us?"

Akamaru moseyed over and I petted him absently, finding comfort in digging my fingers into his thick hair. Shino fidgeted in his much less concealing nightshirt and reached up to retie his hitai-ate, which was resting on his glasses, threatening to knock them off.

"N-no," Hinata whispered, releasing the Byakugan. We all relaxed a little.

"Here," I said, tossing Shino his pack.

"You did not take yours," he observed, catching it and slipping into both straps. I didn't blink.

"Didn't think to. Doesn't matter, anyway," I laughed, "Nothing important in there."

He eyed me as though he didn't believe me, and I slipped into my unreadable grin, much improved from earlier.

"What next, Kurenai-sensei?" he said. Kurenai adjusted Yuyuko on her hip, considering our options.

"Well, our mission is completed," she sighed, "We'll head back to Konoha now and set camp in the morning."

"What about her?" I asked, gesturing to the girl. Kurenai glanced at her and frowned.

"I'm not sure. But we can't go back, that much is for sure. We'll have to take her with us," she concluded, nodding for emphasis, "And Tobiwara-san can come to Konoha to pay and pick her up."

I noted that Yuyuko's grip on Kurenai's dress tightened at the prospect, but said nothing of it.

"Then we go now?" Shino prompted, and Kurenai nodded.

_**- - -**_

THE WORST THING about traveling, especially at night and under tense situations, is that there's nothing left but you and your thoughts, and an occasional shared glance with a teammate. Simply put: it sucks. Because if you're me (or worse, if you were Shino) being alone with your thoughts isn't exactly something you look forward, if you catch my drift.

So there I was, just me, myself, and my thoughts, all focused on that godforsaken town.

I mean, what the hell kinda screwed up place had we just left? And it just figures the Akatsuki had something to do with it. Just fucking figures.

And the more my mind reeled, the more I wondered: just how long had the killings been going on? Surely if Souto'd had a whole business- no, an entire fucking enterprise- running, surely it'd been going on for a long time. Why would the client have waited so long to call for help? I mean, that's pretty crazy right there.

But like I said, the whole town was stark-raving mad. Miracle drug my ass.

And the more I thought about that, the more I wondered at the fact that with the death of just one man- just one man!- the entire town unraveled.

I didn't believe for one second that the townspeople were all blood-thirsty killers. No way, no how.

Just, somehow, when you got to the end of the bits of string, that's what it boiled down to.

It was extremely interesting, in the sickest way possible, thinking about all the strings of that town- the client, the horses, his daughter, Souto, the Akatsuki, the drugs, the civilians- all just... unraveling. Just coming undone, like that, at my hands, _my_ hands.

Well, Shino's too. And Kurenai and Hinata. Not really Akamaru's, but I included him too, anyway.

And then my mind did it again, that thing where you get sick to your stomach because of something your own mind threw up. The kinda thought that leaves a foul taste in your own mind.

I imagined _us_ falling apart.

_**- - -**_

THE TRIP BACK to Konoha was far from pleasant. We set up camp when the sun rose and slept- or rather, pretended to sleep- for a few hours. We agreed to have Yuyuko ride on Akamaru's back, so we could travel faster. The few provisions in Shino's pack that had survived the night were divvied up amongst us, but were all so bland that no-one but Shino could finish them. Shino made no comment.

The rest of the trip was quick and relatively quiet. I noticed that whatever ointment Hinata was using, it was working really well, because the angry red mark on her cheek had reduced to a swollen green-blue bruise, and she worked her jaw every now-and-again as if it felt uncomfortable. Her eyes were still red-rimmed.

I noticed that Kurenai's hair was messier than usual, meaning she hadn't brushed it. She hadn't bothered to put on her make-up, either, and her natural lips were a pale pink, almost blending in with her skin. The brilliant red must have been some sort of compensation. She also staying unduly close to Akamaru, as if she feared he might let Yuyuko slip off his back.

That kind of pissed me off, but I just gritted my teeth.

Shino's brush must have been in his pack, because his hair was looking oddly well-groomed compared to normal. His toothbrush had also been in the pack, and he'd been charitable enough to share it with me. He'd done his best to wash the rugged nightshirt in a stream, and it was still slightly damp, and he fidgeted with it while it tried to cling to his skin, and he didn't seem to notice that his glasses were slightly askew.

I wanted to fix them for him, but I knew he'd only swat my hand away.

We were all wrapped up in our thoughts, I suppose.

The gates to Konoha were shut when we approached, which was relatively normal as the sun had recently set, but to me it felt like a bad omen. As if, once the doors open, there was no going back.

Well, that was silly. Of course there was no going back. Like hell if I _wanted_ to go back. Ha.

But when Kurenai knocked and whatever codes were required were exchanged, a gust came through the opening doors that I had to squint into.

_Something inside was different_. The thought was so random, so absurdly true, that I laughed gustily despite myself. Of course something was different inside. Life was an ever-changing thing. There would be something absurdly _wrong_ if nothing had changed inside Konoha.

Feeling silly, I followed Kurenai through, tossing a wave to the jounin on desk-duty.

It was just silly.

_**- - -**_

THE HOKAGE'S OFFICE was the same as always, except the pile of papers was marginally higher, as Kurenai added all of ours. Damn Tsunade-baa-san had made us sit down, in her office, and fill out our reports as soon as we'd walked in, claiming she had a headache and couldn't sit through another spoken report.

Headache my ass. Probably just a hangover from all that sake.

The old woman sighed, leaning her chin in her hand, peering around a stack of papers at Yuyuko sleeping with Akamaru. It was getting pretty late.

"I'll look at your reports later," she announced, waving the thought of paperwork away with hand tiredly, "Just tell me about the girl."

"She is Yuyuko, the daughter of our client. Kiba found her in an alley and took her with him when we made our escape-"

"Escape? No, wait, nevermind," Tsunade massaged her temples, "It's in your report. What do you plan on doing with her?"

Kurenai weighed her choices, finally voicing whichever one she decided was safest; "I can house her until Tobiwara-san can come and retrieve her. If I'm not mistaken, he still has to pay us for the mission."

"Oh good, so it was completed," Tsunade sighed, "Alright, you're dismissed."

We all turned to go, glad to be heading back to our beds.

"Wait, Kiba," she added as an afterthought, "Stay here."

I bristled, but stopped. Shino paused in the doorway, giving me a look that asked if he should wait. I shrugged, not really caring. I still had Akamaru, anyway. Kurenai had taken Yuyuko. I closed the door.

Turning to the Hokage; "Yeah? What."

"I have... troubling news," she explained at last, turning in her chair to face out the window. I shifted my weight to the other foot, fidgeting with the hem of Shino's shirt, which was a little too long for me.

"What kind of troubling?" I asked wearily. Her reflection in the glass steepled its fingers.

"The kind that someone close should give," she said carefully, "The kind one should hear from a close friend."

I groaned. "Shit, just tell me already. Can't be worse than what I went through yesterday."

A pregnant pause filled the room. I shifted my weight again.

"Shibi is dead."

The words hung like ghosts in the air, wavering a moment before flickering out of view, only to show up in some other corner.

"Shibi?" I asked dumbly, as if there might have been another Shibi in Konoha who _wasn't_ Aburame Shibi.

"As in Shino's dad," Tsunade confirmed, "Yes."

I choked a little on my words. "How?"

"His kikaichu ate him alive, Kiba," she answered. I noticed that her hands were clasped tightly. The scent of new skin seeped into the air as her nails dug into her hands. "The kikaichu are like a blessed curse. It's not unusual for an Aburame to die of their kikaichu. Just unusual for it to happen so young, and so..."

She stopped there.

Just what did _that_ mean?

"So," my voice wavered, "I'm supposed to tell Shino this?"

She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry Kiba, but surely you understand. His only other relatives who live in Konoha are away on missions, and this isn't something that can be kept from him for long. He'll find out on his own as soon as he goes home. You're his best friend. You'll know how to soften it for him."

"Che, soften it for him," I muttered, "Like hell you can soften the death of someone's father. That's just damned insulting!" I took a moment to calm myself considerably. "Fine. I'll do it."

_Things unraveling_.

It came to mind again.

Us. _Unraveling_.

Shit.

"Am I dismissed?"

She waved a hand, I could see the red crescents from her nails clearly, and I called Akamaru to my side as I left.

I felt sick to my stomach.

* * *

**This chapter really didn't turn out the way I wanted... blegh. But it was long. Really flippin' long. So there. Rejoice in that (It was 5,000+ words, but then I decided I was covering too much plot and cut some out)**


	4. You,

_**What I Never Had**_

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**Chapter Summary:** Crying for those who won't- or can't.

**Chapter Rating:** Light T for some language.

**Author's Notes:** The first Third Person POV for Shino is in this chapter... it came a tad earlier than I wanted, but I think it seems to fit better this way.

The Plot-plot begins (slowly... slowly... not quite, but almost).

* * *

_4: You_

SHINO WAS WAITING for me.

"You didn't have to wait," I laughed awkwardly. His eyebrows formed a deep angle.

"You are acting strange," he observed, "Does the mission bother you that much?"

"Huh? Oh, no," I scratched a cheek, "Not really, it doesn't."

"What did Tsunade-sama have to say?" he asked instead.

I blanched. "Uh... l-let's walk," I suggested, "Okay, Shino?"

His frown deepened, but he let me lead him to the outside stairs that wound down, around the Hokage's tower in silence while I tried to sort things out.

"Are you going to tell me?" he asked at last. I tugged at a lock of my matted hair dejectedly, picking at a soap-sticky clump.

"Honestly, I really don't want to," I told him, "But honestly, I really gotto. You aren't going to like it, though."

"Why not?" he inquired, as though he honestly didn't believe he wouldn't like it. I felt my eyes sting with water and wiped them.

"Shibi," I murmured, busying myself with peering over the edge of the railing as we descended slowly. Shino frowned.

"Yes, Kiba?" he said, "What about my father?"

"He, uh," I scratched a red triangle, "Well, you see... his kikai- no, that's a bad approach. Shino, your dad is... gone."

He tilted his head. "Gone," he intoned. "To where?"

"No," I whispered, "Not gone. He's... he's..."

I couldn't finish. I stopped and looked out over Konoha, surveying the bright colors and shapes of the village. A soft breeze blew, carrying the scents of people and food. Food. A quick glance to the West told me it was nearly dusk.

"Dinner," I said, my voice cracking. I cleared my throat. "Come over to my place for dinner."

He opened his mouth to protest.

"Please!" I cut him off, gripping the railing so tightly my knuckles showed white. Shino glanced down at my hands; frowned. I took a shaky breath and turned to face him, donning my brilliantly unreadable grin. His mouth closed with an audible click.

"All right, Kiba."

"Thanks," I laughed, taking him by the wrist and nearly dragging him down the rest of the stairs.

He didn't say anything after that.

_**- - -**_

"OI, MA! HANA!" I shouted when I got home, kicking off my shoes, "Shino's staying for dinner! We're going to eat in my room."

Without thinking, I drug him off towards my room before he'd even finished removing his shoes.

I hadn't let go of his wrist and, realizing this, I self consciously tightened my grip momentarily, then dropped his hand. He guided it back to his pocket, entering my bedroom first. He stood by the foot of my bed and I sank into my desk chair backwards, watching him.

"Yes, Kiba?" he asked, a little more tentatively than he usually did. I looked away.

"Nothing," I mumbled. "You can sit, you know. I don't have fleas."

"Ah," he said humorlessly, pushing the pile of blankets back before sitting, "I had wondered..."

I forced a laugh and was equally as painfully aware of how half-hearted it sounded as Shino was. There was definite tension in his shoulders and posture- more than usual, anyways- and it kind of hurt to know that it was my fault.

Vaguely, somewhere in the back of my head I wondered if his shoulders would slump in defeat when I told him, or if they would rise with tension. I shoved the thought away, disgusted with myself.

We sat in silence, regarding each other.

"Kiba?" Hana poked her head in the door, "Dinner's ready. Go get it."

"Geez, would it have killed you to bring it up for us?" I asked, rolling my eyes, but getting up anyways. It was easy to settle back into the comfort zone of bickering with my sister. She frowned at me and shut the door.

"Just rice," Shino reminded me, knowing that we usually ate our food with an amazing amount of spices that he didn't like.

"I know," I tossed over my shoulder, "I know."

Ma was waiting for me downstairs, tapping her foot. She sent the dogs out and folded her arms, fixing me with a look. I tried to step around her to get into the kitchen. She blocked my path with a snarl.

"C'mon, ma," I groaned, "'M really not in the mood right now!"

Her lip curled more severely.

"Ma!" I whined, "I'm serious!"

"Tell me," she growled.

"Tell you _what_?"

"Why did you bring Shino here," she explained, "You've never brought him here when it was anything good. I want to know what's happened this time!"

I stiffened. "It's... not your business!" I shouted, pushing past her.

And I realized, for the first time, that I was taller than her. It was a shock, because... ever since I was a kid, she's always been a figure of strength and total power in my life. In all of my memories of her, she is a towering, hulking giant with thick, strong, muscular arms and broad, powerful shoulders.

Now she felt... boney, when my shoulder brushed hers. My hand almost wrapped completely around her upper arm when I grasped it. The chords in her neck that used to stand out when she was angry seemed old and tired. I saw the top of her messy hair- almost as short as mine, and not nearly as soft- rather than the underside of her sharp chin.

When did _Ma_, a pillar of strength and comfort in my life, get _so small and frail_?

_**- - -**_

"HEY SHINO," I said, handing him his food. He stared at it. "Were you taller than your dad?"

He frowned, and it occurred to me that I had used the past tense.

Shit. _Idiot_!

"I never made the comparison," he answered, setting the bowl aside with a sigh. "Kiba, what's wrong?"

"H-huh?" I squawked, jumping a little, spilling food in my lap, "Fuck..."

The angle in his brow grew sharper yet. "You brought me more than just rice."

"Wha- oh, crap, I guess I did," I scrambled to clean up my mess, "Sorry. Do you want me to get another bowl?"

"... No."

I picked at my food for a while, trying to make myself eat, but somehow, the brilliant flavors just seemed too out of place in what felt like such a bleak time and space. I sighed and hung my arms over the back of the chair, seeing how far I could tip the bowl before the rice would tumble out. Shino watched my actions as well.

"Have you ever seen your dad's eyes?" I asked, careful to keep it in the present tense. Shino frowned.

"No," he said, "I have not."

I felt my eyes begin to water and sniffed. "Ah..." I murmured, "Does anyone in your clan ever show each other their eyes?"

"On occasion," he told me, "Though I doubt I will ever see my father's eyes."

I studied him as I spoke my next words; "Does that make you sad?"

He pointedly looked at me: "Not particularly." I let out a breath of relief.

"Are you close to your other relatives?"

He scoffed. "I could tell you their names, ages, and birth dates, but that is all. Is that clear enough?"

I nodded, swirling my chopsticks in my bowl, "Yeah."

He sighed. "Why are you asking me these questions, Kiba? They are strange."

I shrugged. "Because-" the words stuck in my throat.

_Your dad is dead_.

I couldn't just _say _it that casually. Not _that fucking casually_.

Like hell I could say it at all.

Taking a deep breath- "Just curious, Shino. Just curious."

He didn't look like he wanted to accept the answer, but said nothing of it.

_**- - -**_

"SPEND THE NIGHT with me, Shino," I begged, "Please?"

He fixed me with a look. "No. I must return home. There are things that must be taken care of, especially if Father is gone."

I made a sound at the back of my throat, ignoring the look he threw at me. "It- it can wait a day, can't it?"

"No, Kiba," he stated, "It is important."

He turned to leave, and I caught his jacket, forcing him to stay. He sighed heavily.

"Kiba," he said, "Really, stop being so immature. I must return home."

"I know, it's just," I let his sleeve slip out of my fingers, staring at my feet, "I can't let you go home. At least not yet, anyways."

He frowned at me. "Why not?"

"I- because- you see- uh..." I trailed off, winding up fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, picking at a crusted piece of rice I'd missed in my scrambled clean-up. Shino's weight shifted, settling lower, back not as ram-rod straight as he usually kept it.

"Kiba," he said in a voice so soft it was almost a whisper, "Where has my father gone?"

The tears threatened again.

I vaguely wondered if Shino would cry, too, when I told him. I pushed the thought aside.

I knew I would cry; that was what mattered. I would cry for him, because he wouldn't cry, and I would cry for Shino's Dad, because he _couldn't_ cry. It didn't matter if Shino cried, because if I cried for him, maybe he wouldn't need to.

And maybe, just maybe, it would be better for us if he didn't.

_Maybe_.

"He's..." I took the deepest, most drawn-out breath I have ever taken in my entire life, "dead."

The air was completely still, and I was grateful for it; because it felt to me as though if even the gentlest of breezes were to pass, everything would be swept away and it would just be me and white-ness, me and blank-ness; just me and my tears, dripping down my face shamefully.

Shino didn't cry, and his face remained impassive.

"Oh."

That was it?

That was all he had to say?

"Yeah."

Was that all I had to say?

Was that _all_ I had to fucking _say_!?

I bit down on my lip, hard.

He was my best friend, and _was that all I could say to him?!_

"That is..." he stopped, heaved a silent breath, "Good night."

I didn't watch his retreating back, but it's not as though I would've been able to see it anyways, I was crying so hard. There was a metallic taste in my mouth, and I realized:

I was bleeding.

... was Shino?

_**- - -**_

_**- - -**_

HOME WAS QUIET. Quieter than Shino had ever known it to be, even considering the fact that he and his father- the only occupants other than one maid- rarely spoke. And not just the structure he called home, but home in his heart was quieter than he had ever known it. His body was quieter than he had ever known it.

His kikaichu had never been so still, so quiet, in his entire life. Like they were revering the death of his father in a way he could neither comprehend nor partake in.

It bothered him, but not as much as the things he was seeing with every step he took.

Right foot.

In the main room, his younger self, straining valiantly to remain still throughout the duration of a lengthy negotiation between his father and another family with a child. Father reached over and discreetly pinched the child Shino's leg, and his younger self instantly snapped to attention, all fidgeting ceased. Negotiations continued.

Left foot.

In the kitchen, his younger self again, this time a bit older, standing on tiptoe to fumble around in a cabinet for a pot to use to make breakfast for Father's Day. He slipped on the recently washed floors, still shining with wetness, and the pot fell. There was no crash, but Shino knew it would have been there, and the maid dashed in, already scolding him for being rash. Shino's dad walked in, calmly helped Shino stand, and took the pot from the maid, putting it away. He led younger Shino out by the hand, leaving the maid with her mouth agape. She snapped it shut as little Shino looked over his shoulder one last time.

A tremor ran up present Shino's spine as his gaze connected with his younger self's.

Right foot again.

Shino, after his first day at the academy, standing in his father's study. His father's back was to him, but young Shino reported the events of the first day dutifully, distinctly wishing his dad would give more reaction, just a bit more enthusiasm for him. For _him_.

Just for him.

But of course he wasn't going to.

The door to the study stood open, like a gaping hole, and it _bothered_ Shino.

Left, right, left.

He slid the door shut.

When did that room become so small? He sharply remembered how large and terrifying it had seemed to him previously, always with the shelf-lined walls, filled with books and jars; his father's desk with its lonely lamp and scattered papers and pens.

Another Left.

Shino, older than before, but still a child, newly engaged as a gennin of Konoha, seated on the floor of the bathroom, pliers and screw driver in hand, attempting to piece his broken glasses back together. His new teammate, Inuzuka Kiba, a loud and egotistical boy, had taken it upon himself to remove the Aburame's glasses and had succeeded only as far as breaking them, disbanding the training session unduly early. Shino's dad strode in, sighing heavily. Gennin Shino looked up as his dad took the pieces of his glasses and the tools, leaving with them.

That, Shino realized, was when he and his father had begun to grow apart. When he had joined his gennin team and had friends outside of home.

Because, yes, as a child, he _had_ been close to his father, _had_ been friends. They shared evenings together, ate their meals at the same table at the same time every night. They went on walks and Shibi would listen to Shino ramble softly about things, usually trying to recite information he needed to know.

But they had been close, and he had _loved_ his father.

One last right before he reached his room. He closed his eyes to whatever memory would appear before him next.

Shino, after the chuunin exams, still in the recuperation weeks after his battle with Kankuro, but not bad enough to still be hospitalized. Shino himself had barely been conscious, and the memory was blurry and jumpy, like a scratched disk. His dad dipped a rag in a basin of water, wrung it out tightly, then dabbed his son's forehead gently. Shibi's back had never seemed so bent, nor his shoulders so weary with age before, in Shino's eyes.

And it hit Shino:

His father had loved _him_.

Stumbling the last meters into his room, catching himself on the chair of his desk, this realization- along with the realization that he _missed_ his dad- washed over him. His hand brushed something, an aged scroll, closed with a seal.

His father's seal.

Something strange prickled in one eye, then the other, until both eyes stung like the first time he had eaten at the Inuzuka's and discovered the power of jalapeno pepper powder. Stung so hard he didn't notice the water welling up in them.

A few wet spots formed on the scroll by his hand, dampening the paper of his father's will.

Shino was afraid of that paper. Afraid of what it would say, of what it _meant_. He couldn't deny it, he couldn't call everyone crazy. Not when he was staring at that terrifying roll of paper which was his father's last words to him, through his blurred vision.

He was more scared than he had ever been in his life, and more water botched the scroll.

_**- - -**_

MA'S ARMS WRAPPED around me from behind, engulfing me in warmth and comfort.

I had not shifted since Shino left, though my face was almost dry.

"Kiba," she whispered, holding me close, "Darling-"

Warmth and comfort I didn't deserve.

Shino had nothing at home. Shino was all alone. How did I deserve any better, when Shino was the smarter, calmer, more mature one? When Shino was the one who made good decisions and abided by the rules all the time, every time, when my life was everything but by the rules, me being the guy who took pleasure from breaking each and every rule he crossed.

I spun and pushed my mother away.

"Shut up!" I shouted, fresh tears I didn't know I still had left leaking out. I ran for my room, taking the stairs two-at-a-time, even as I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes so hard I saw spots. Ma came storming after me.

"Kiba!" she shouted up the stairs.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed, slamming the door, sinking to my knees, sobbing.

Why Shino and not me?

* * *

**I'm killing myself writing this story... I always feel so bad for what I'm doing to the characters and I feel so guilty and it's just so freakin' dark in general...**

**So, if I go insane before I reach the end and therefore don't finish the series, I apologize in advance.**

**Notice how I completely forgot to include Akamaru consistently throughout the entire chapter... it was just so much easier not to work him into the text. Pretend he was there the whole time, being quiet and stuff because 'a Kiba's body language/mood, or whatever (yeah, I'm such a loser)**

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I'm going to try something new... I'm going to start responding to Reviews, because I feel guilty when people take time out of their day to say something to me about my story (usually good, which is pleasantly surprising for me every time) and then I don't respond or tell them thanks. So here goes:

I'll start from the beginning, since I haven't been doing it.

OyOfMidworld: _Me too... it was just so outta the blue and stuff. I guess it shoulda seemed odd for Shino to say something like that so randomly, but... it made sense to do it, right? Thankyou for reviewing!_

Angelas: _Yes, Shino x Kiba is the best of all! I'm really glad you like my style of writing... as I told my BETA once... I've spent three years honing my style to what I liked (using the styles of Orson Scott Card, Eoin Colfer, Leviticus Lied (yes, her too), and last but certainly not least, Hey-Diddle-Diddle (where the darkness comes from) ) I'm afraid this fic only got darker from chapter one, so I hope you weren't too disappointed (and it doesn't get any lighter from here) but the smut is coming... coming... just a few more chapters, I swear! Then it's all the time, pretty much (but for plot purposes, I swear). Thanks for reviewing, I appreciated it (if the length of this response is any indicator, sheesh)._

Lemmie (ch. 1): _Yay! My characterizations are good. I always complain to my BETA about how I feel iffy about my characterizations (it's kinda gettin' hard to keep Kiba in character since the fic is so dark and he's such an energized character). I hope the plot was interesting... I'm starting to fear that the plot-plot won't stand up to the mission's plot! It's not as action-packed, but a bit more introspective as things get darker and fall apart a bit... Thanks for taking time to review, though!_

Abhorson: _Me too, though it was so hard to keep the accent consistent (though I doubt it would ha' made that much difference, really) And I'm glad you appreciated the plot-purpose of the sex. I don't normally include sex in my stories if it isn't for some sort of plot-purpose. I'm so glad you think my work is unique, though, thankyou so much!_

OtakuLady: _Yay! Kiba is, by nature, cool. So keeping him cool and in character went hand-in-hand... glad you liked! I'm definitely going to keep writing- even I'm curious about my plot! (Because, even though I've planned it out, I'm still unsure of how I'm going to cram it all into the allotted chapters). You can expect more soon, thankyou for reviewing!_

Lemmie (ch. 2): _I know, sucks for him! But he's not the only this mission sucks for... but I won't ruin that little twist for you just yet, hush hush! Geez, you're making me even more nervous about the plot-plot of the story, hoping it keeps par... we'll just have to see when we get there, won't we? Thanks for reviewing again... where is my ch. 3 review? I miss you!!_

Michiru's Mirror: _Thank goodness you think it's good! And yes, curveballs everywhere, though they'll start slowing down now (though they'll definitely keep coming, be sure of that!) good to know I haven't overdone it yet, though (tell me if I do, please!) And yes, poor Shino... and it only gets worse from here, but again, hush hush! Thanks a ton for reviewing!_

thechickenlittle: _I think this is one of my favorite reviews, ever (except for the one and only flame I've ever gotten... that was an interesting experience, to say the least). I mean, I agree with you: it seems to fit the chapter to a 'T'. Thankyou so much for reviewing!_

LePyro: _I'm glad you liked it so much, and this one is up now (heh, obviously) and I'll get my butt onto the next one ASAP. Thanks for reviewing! Update, update, update... whew!_

:'D: _Sorta-ish, you're right. More like... shocked to hell and back. He was the one who (pretty much) initiated the sex, so it's not rape, but... the strangling was definitely not what he expected. I'm sorry you don't understand anything yet, though. Hopefully later chapters will clear stuff up (hopefully) So many update requests... I'm overwhelmed... glad you love it so much, though. Thanks for the review!_

So, hopefully the thankyous won't be so long next time 'cuz I won't have three chapters to cover.

Sorry to waste so much space and time! I hope you don't get angry with me, but I felt my reviewers deserved personalized thanks.

**_Special thanks to my BETA, ChiyoChan_**


	5. Just

_**What I Never Had**_

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**Chapter Summary:** One believed he should've been there for his friend - the friend believed he should not.

**Chapter Rating:** Strong T for violence, language, and slightly graphic gore.

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**Warning!** A few more (brief) gore-y descriptions in this chapter. I'm just trying to keep things realistic, but again, the same as before. If you're squeamish, please don't read (or at least don't get mad at me if you ignore this and read anyways and find yourself upset).

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**Author's Notes:** Wow... so, this story is basically putting all of my other stories on HIATUS.

By far the longest chapter I have ever written.

_I guess I should mention that the conversation between Shino and Kiba that opened the first chapter was hinting at what was happening to Shibi (him being eaten alive by his kikaichu being the explanation of him seeming to loose weight, but looking fatter, because with nothing to cling to the skin would just sag... as gross as that sounds) and it was a bit of a twist because Kiba convinced poor Shino not to worry about it. Eh, nothing special, but I thought I'd point it out anyways._

* * *

_5: Just_

THE FIRST THING that came to mind when Shino awoke was: I forgot to complete my chores. The second thing that occurred to him as he blurred into consciousness- with the worst headache he had ever experienced- was that he was alone.

Father was dead. _Dead_. As in gone. Forever.

He pushed himself off of the floor with a grunt, leaning heavily on the back of his desk chair, wiping at his crusty eyes. He pressed the back of a hand to his forehead. Not a fever.

A headache, from the sinus pressure caused by crying, he concluded. It was a novel feeling, but not one he ever wanted to experience again. He also found his throat was dry and scratchy, that breathing through his nose was next to impossible.

He leaned too heavily on the chair, and it toppled. The sound barely registered, and he stared at the fallen object, mildly alarmed. Perhaps there was something far more grievous wrong with him than the aftereffects of crying. For his senses to be so dulled...

He shook his head to clear it and stumbled from his room, intent on completing his abandoned chores. Only, he couldn't remember what they were, so he wandered aimlessly, hoping to recall them.

It was early morning and the sun- still a faint orangey pink- filtered in through the paper screens causing flecks of floating dust to glimmer. It was all so surreal that Shino began to wonder if he was going to wake up and discover none of it had happened: not his father's death, not the mission, not any of it.

He stumbled upon his father's bedroom, discovered it devoid of furniture, save for a lone black box laid out on a high stand. A _coffin_.

Shino gulped dryly and approached it.

It was his father. He had every right to see him one last time, before the man was buried. He _wanted_ to see his father one last time, wanted to say his last words, even though he was well aware the sound of them would fall on deaf ears. The need to do this struck Shino as odd, but it was there nonetheless.

This was his father, and this was the last chance he would ever have to be near the man, to mend the rift that had formed between them, even as he knew it was already too late. He had to believe it wasn't.

A desire reminiscent of Kiba.

He laid a hand on the painted black, smooth as the darkest waters, and the kikaichu stilled once again, then struck up a tremendous roar. Shino almost covered his ears, but restrained himself. The action would have been irrelevant, as the sound was coming from inside.

Something was distressing them, but he didn't know what.

With shaking hands, Shino made the best assumption he could: they were reacting to his indecision. From that assumption, he determined the only option was to open the casket.

The decision, he told himself, had nothing to do with his own wants.

Besides, it _was_ his father, he had every right.

The lid had not been nailed down yet, and slid off easily. Hesitantly, trying to form the words necessary in his mind, Shino peered into the container.

There was something wrong- something _very_ wrong. It took Shino a moment to recover his senses and realize just _what_ was wrong with his father's face.

It had fallen in on itself. The skin was slack, drooping off of jutting bones, stretching thin in areas. The neck sunk and the body caved in odd areas, devoid of muscle and organs, skin draped over bones like some ancient cloth, oozing and stinking of decay. Kikai streamed from his father's eyes- still hidden by glasses-, from the mouth, nose, and any other orifice they could find, a few beginning to eat through the flesh.

The lid clattered to the floor, and Shino sank to his knees, back against the stand. He reached up a hand to cover his mouth- his breathing was more labored than it had ever been after any marathon. He closed his eyes, slipping just a little further, swallowing a moan.

His father had been eaten alive. It was not uncommon amongst the Aburame but _his father had been eaten alive_.

His kikaichu's buzzing swelled to new heights he had only felt precious few times before, and he struggled not to cry a second time.

It was normal, his mind recited, regurgitating the names of the dozens of other Aburame who had died of their kikaichu since the clan had been founded. Many, many Aburame died of their kikaichu. Normal; it was normal. Utterly normal.

But knowing the facts and seeing the results of them himself were two different things.

His father's face was barely recognizable.

Above him, someone hoisted the lid off the floor, sliding it back into place. Shino listened to the sound of footfalls on tatami mats, slowly recognizing them as the sound of the maid's shoes. He kept his eyes screwed shut, willing her to leave; the room, him, his father's body- what was left of it- _anything_ but closer. Just... away.

The footfalls ceased, and he knew she was standing in front of him.

"Now you can't just sit there sulking! Come on, stand up!"

Shino frowned, the buzzing of his kikaichu diminishing rapidly.

There was a hand on his arm, pulling at him; "I understand you just found out your dad died, but really, you can't just sulk!"

He glared at her, yanked his arm away. She stood, placing her hands on her hips, a sour expression on her face.

"Don't be a blockhead!" she bellowed, "Get yer lazy self up! I won't tolerate it any longer! Up! Up!"

Slowly, Shino rose, shocked into silence.

He had been under the impression that she had gone mute- for what reason, he did not know- when he was nine. Where did this loud, commanding voice with a British lilt to it appear from?

"I am up," he stated when she continued to stare him down, not understanding what he was still doing wrong, but doing his best to appease her, should she break out with fangs and claws to accompany the newfound voice.

"Well, you can't just stand around looking like a loony! There's business to be taken care of- oh yes, business, and lots of it!- Come on! Git!" she walked around behind him, pushing him from the room. He resisted weakly.

"What do you mean," he asked, "'Business'. I do not understand."

"The funeral, of course!" she barked, "What else? Really, I thought you were smarter than this! Oh dear me, dear me!"

Shino frowned deeply. "So quickly?"

"Oh no, not quickly at all! The funeral is tomorrow, and your father's been dead for quite a few days," she told him, "They only just got the casket here two days ago. Thank goodness for that! Starting to stink up the house, he was!"

Shino felt his temper flare, and his fists clenched unconsciously at his sides. "Do not speak of my father in such a manner," he ordered sternly. The maid blinked a few times, still pushing him from behind.

"Well," she exclaimed indignantly, "It's _true_!"

When had the maid become so bold, Shino wondered. Mute and timid was all Shino had ever known her to be as he was growing up. Always hidden in shadows, shuffling forward on her knees and pressing her forehead to the floor. What had happened to that? When did that meek woman start shoving people around, issuing orders and disrespecting the deceased?

"Still," Shino stated, brushing her off, "it is disrespectful to the deceased. Do not say anything of the sort again."

It struck him as strange how easily his temper flared- how easily _anything_ within him flared- like he had lost some of the utterly necessary control of himself along with his father.

"Right," she snapped, "Have it your way!"

_**- - -**_

SHINO KNEW IT wasn't nice, but he couldn't let Kiba attend his father's funeral. He wouldn't be able to maintain his composure if he had to kneel beside Kiba, who would no doubt cry, not so much for Shibi as for Shino, the idea of which left Shino with a bitter taste in his mouth. If it was his father's funeral, any crying would be reserved for the deceased, not the living.

No, Kiba could not go.

This thought in mind, he left the house in the maid's charge (in his right mind he would have wondered whether or not doing so was a good idea, but really, it seemed as though no-one was in their right mind anymore) and marched himself to Tsunade's office, ignoring the required paperwork for a meeting with the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama," he stated. She grunted, glancing up at him over the piles of paperwork and an almost-empty cup of sake with a scowl.

"What do you want?" she sighed, crumpling a paper and tossing it over a shoulder, "It's not like you to just walk in. Don't tell me you've been hanging out with Naruto."

Shino remained silent, phrasing his request. Tsunade looked up again and frowned. Setting aside the papers she was scanning, she poured herself another cup of sake.

For a moment, she looked as old as she really was, then the moment was gone, and Shino cleared his throat.

"You are aware my father is dead," he began. Tsunade tilted her head, frowned.

"Yes, I remember now," she said, "Continue."

Hokage was a demanding position, Shino understood; he did not begrudge her for forgetting.

"His funeral is tomorrow."

"I was aware. I will be attending," Tsunade told him, finishing the cup, reaching for another paper.

"That is not it," Shino answered, "Though I am grateful that you will be in attendance. My point is, Kiba cannot come."

Tsunade made a face somewhat akin to shock and distaste, meeting Shino's gaze; "Why not? He's your best friend, isn't he?"

Shino shifted his weight. "Best friend or not, he cannot be allowed to attend. I think it would be best for him if he were to be... distracted."

Tsunade laced her fingers again, resting her chin on them. "Are you sure about this, Shino? If you prohibit Kiba from attending Shibi's funeral, Kiba cannot pay his respects. Are you entirely sure you want to do this to your friend?"

Shino thought about it, finally answering: "It is for the best."

Tsunade sighed dramatically, stamping a paper and moving it aside to the smallest of three messy piles on her desk. "What kind of distraction?"

"A mission, perhaps," Shino told her, "Nothing endangering to his life, but something that will keep him preoccupied."

"I don't have many missions that fit those parameters," Tsunade frowned, rifling through the medium-sized third stack, "Except for a few I was going to give to the more skilled gennin cells... I suppose I could spare one for Kiba, however."

"Thankyou, Hokage-sama," Shino said, bowing out.

"You do realize Kiba will be furious when he finds out, don't you?" she called after him. He dipped his head.

"Kiba is notorious for fickle moods. His anger will not last long." _I hope_.

Tsunade said something else to him, but the door closed and he didn't hear her words.

_**- - -**_

_**- - -**_

"I STILL THINK it's a load of bull that your assistant can keep her _pig_ in here, but I can't bring Akamaru with me," I scowled, scratching the back of a leg with a foot. I made another swipe at my still mildly-puffy eyes self consciously. "I mean, dogs are way cleaner than pigs... they're _pigs_ for Christ's sake!"

"Actually-" Shizune began defensively.

"Forget it, Kiba," Tsunade ordered, "It doesn't matter who I allow to bring pets in here and who I don't. I called you here for a reason."

"What, you want me to keep an eye out for Shino until his relatives get back? I was gunna do that anyways. Can I go? Shino's waiting outside with Akamaru."

"No, that's not what I was going to ask you to do, and Shino's not completely alone. I believe the Aburame had a maid hired-"

"Che, yeah, I know about _her_. She's a mute. How much good is that?"

"Kiba!" Tsunade barked, "Stop being an insolent little pissball!"

I blinked a few times. "Well, soorry! Sheesh. Old hag..."

"Teenagers!"

"Hey, I'm legally an adult, so don't say that!"

"Will you shut up and let me talk to you?"

I folded my arms and glowered. Tsunade sighed heavily and somewhere at the back of my mind my conscience that (obnoxiously) uses Kurenai's voice berated me for being immature and argumentative. I couldn't help it, though; the easiest way to deal with _anything_ is to fall back on fighting or sex.

Obviously, this was not a situation for sex, and I wasn't really up for it anyways.

"Alright," I said, "Shoot."

Tsunade massaged her temples, scanning over my unusually long mission report. "You mentioned the Akatsuki," she said in a dogged tone, as if that were the preamble to something much more difficult to say.

"Yeah, so I did," I answered.

"Are you absolutely positive it was the Akatsuki? I'm tired of sending my men on hopeless chases to nowhere for nothing."

"No, my report says everything I know," I unfolded my arms, letting them settle at my sides, "Black cloaks with red clouds were mentioned in passing. That's it."

"Do you believe the Akatsuki will return to village?"

I scratched a cheek thoughtfully. "Well, if it _was_ the Akatsuki then yeah, p'rolly."

Tsunade mulled it over for a minute, then set aside my report, not caring when it slipped over the edge of the desk (Shizune snatched it up, stacking it neatly on a pile nearly as tall as herself). After a minute, Tsunade seemed to come to a decision.

"Thankyou, Kiba," she said, "I have something else for you to do, however."

I resisted the urge to tap a foot and roll my eyes (though I ended up doing the eye-rolling anyways). "Yeah? What."

Tsunade frowned, reaching into a drawer for her flask of sake, but her assistant reached over and smacked her hand. She grimaced and withdrew, nursing her smarting hand. I waited for her to continue.

"You have a mission," she announced, rifling through a few papers, "Starts today, you should be back in two days time, if you don't dawdle."

"Solo?" I asked. She nodded. "All right, what'm I doing?"

I really didn't want to leave Shino alone... I would just have to rush through the mission and shock everyone by finishing it in one day. Hopefully Shino would be alright for that long. Hopefully, hopefully...

I guess I'm more optimistic than I thought.

"It's a sort of retrieval mission," she explained tiredly, waving a hand, "Just some kid who got lost on the trip here with his family. He shouldn't be far out from Konoha, but his parents didn't notice he was gone until they got here. Also, he's got some kind of important papers on him that the village needs."

I scoffed. "What kind of parents don't notice when their own kid disappears? Hell, who gives a _kid_ important papers?"

She shrugged; "You can ask them that yourself. I don't care, just get the mission done."

The papers were shoved in my face by Shizune- still angry about my comment on the cleanliness of pigs- before being shown my way to the door.

"Fine," I spat as the door was slammed in my face. I turned to Shino, and a moment of indecision swept over me.

We had not spoken on our way here from my house where he had found me, and now I did not know if he would prefer me to be quieter in reverence to his father, or if he'd want me to be my usual, loud (and yes, I can admit it, obnoxious) self.

Unsure, I flashed him my unreadable grin.

"Heh, old hag," I chuckled uneasily. He inclined his head. We walked in silence.

"Um, hey, Shino," I broke the silence, "Is there going to be a... a, y'know, a _funeral_ for your dad?"

He frowned. "Yes."

"Oh," I said, "Of course, that makes sense. When will it be?"

There was a gaping silence, and the thought that maybe Shino hadn't heard me flitted across my mind. I was about to repeat myself a little louder when he spoke up. "I am not certain of the exact time."

"Th-that's okay," I laughed, "But I won't be here today and possibly not tomorrow either, 'cuz Tsunade-baa-san gave me some lame ass mission."

"Ah," he said.

"Ne, Shino?" I asked, trying to keep the worry from seeping into my voice, "Will you be okay?"

Silence.

"I-I mean, if you want me to stick around, I've got no problem marching right back to Tsunade and declining the mission- it's lame, anyways- and-"

"Don't," he said abruptly. He swallowed dryly, adjusting his glasses momentarily. "I will be alright."

I frowned.

Something was off...

"If you say so," I said.

_**- - -**_

_**- - -**_

WHEN SHINO RETURNED to his home, he found that the maid had taken care of everything in preparation for the funeral services, which would be held on Aburame grounds. She waited solemnly, if not impatiently and a tad nervously, as Shino removed his shoes, after which she half drug him to his room by the sleeve of his coat.

"There you are," she said, letting go of his sleeve and picking something up from where it had been laid out on the bed, "This is suitable, is it not?"

Shino studied it briefly. It was the same black yukata he had worn to the Third's funeral and in later years to the funeral of one of Kiba's sister's dogs. It seemed fitting. "It will do," he told her, accepting it. She turned and faced a wall, tapping her foot as he hesitantly changed.

The garment had much more use than it should have, it being funeral attire, Shino thought, and its silk was smooth, cool; like a waterfall of tears sliding over Shino's skin, like the waterfall of tears that fell each time it was worn.

Though never Shino's tears, and never to be Shino's tears, he hoped.

He cleared his throat when he had made the change, and the maid turned around.

"Well, that's a smart outfit," she nodded, "Your relatives should be here any moment. What in the name of the lord above were you doing out so long! I was beginning to worry you wouldn't come, I was!"

Shino brushed her hands from his shoulders as he had done earlier in the morning and walked himself to the front door. She huffed indignantly, slipping away to the kitchen.

And Shino was left alone, in the frame of his front door, waiting for the relatives he barely knew.

He imagined that if Kiba were not away on a mission the boy would be standing opposite him, submissive like a kicked dog, sniveling and trying to stem his tears. Shino's breath caught in his throat and he focused as far down the road as he could.

He had done the right thing. It would all be better this way, everything would be better.

Tsunade's words flickered across his mind: Are you entirely sure you want to do this to your friend? Well, Shino decided, it was too late to change it. And it was still the right thing to do.

But for some reason, it bothered him.

Well, a lot of things were bothering him at the moment. For instance, the black box sitting in his father's barren bedroom bothered him. His father's face, hidden within the tightly shut coffin, bothered him. The silent scurrying of his kikaichu beneath his skin bothered him. The way the air clung like a heavy winter cloak around the entire residence bothered him. The pair of people- jacketed and shades pressed as close to the face as possible- who were approaching his home, bothered him.

The pair bowed deeply, and Shino even deeper- a cousin of his mother's and her twin. The only twins in the entire history of the Aburame clan. A few curt words of courtesy were exchanged before they toed off their shoes and the maid lead them away.

Soon after, a throng of relatives streamed into the Aburame complex, each time bowing deeply and giving a few short words of propriety, only what was necessary to be given, and each time Shino replied with only what was necessary, settling easily into the stiff formality of customs.

Only three faces stood out, and only because he could not place them with names or relations. There was a woman, her hair long, dark, lustrous, and curled. She wore a dark dress and large, wide, studded shades of the highest quality. Her husband- Shino assumed- was a small, somewhat crumpled man, who also wore western clothes- a black suit and polished shoes- had large, awkward shades teetering on the bridge of his nose, which he kept fumbling with, as though he were not used to wearing such articles.

Their daughter stared at the ground, twirling a loose lock of her long, dull, onyx hair until her mother plucked it from her pale palm and tucked it into the tight bun her hair had been coaxed into. She wore dainty, half-moon spectacles, which barely hid her eyes, and traditional Aburame uniform for funerals- a black kimono to match Shino's yukata. She seemed to be more expressive than most Aburame- the entire family did- and all she radiated was resign and anxiety, tainted with sorrow.

That made sense enough, Shino decided, it was a funeral.

She whispered the customary greetings as easily as water slips through two boulders in a stream while her parents struggled through them clumsily, like two large boulders in the stream, only being eased along by the water.

Shino answered them the same as any others.

A few more relatives straggled in after them, then they were all there, including Shibi, tucked away in a black box in the interior of the home. Shino removed his glasses briefly to clean them with the sleeve of his yukata, then donned them before entering his home- steeled for the lengthy, and undoubtedly trying, funeral services that awaited him.

Shino blinked only once when he entered the main room in the Aburame complex- the one where ceremonies (what rare ones there were), negotiations, and now funerals, were held- and took his seat at the end closest to the altar with Shibi's photograph and an arrangement of white flowers spilling across it (donated by the Yamanaka family; he would have to remember to write them a letter of thanks). It was eerily silent, as each Aburame coaxed their kikaichu into a moment of silence, if their kikaichu were not already silent.

Only one small child- the only child in the room aside from a significantly older gennin- could not control his kikaichu well enough to silence them, and amidst the others' silence, his kikaichu seemed like a dull roar. Shino felt his anger flare.

That the child should disgrace his father-

And he calmed himself, forcing his mind to recall his childhood, and the difficulties he had experienced with his own kikaichu. He could forgive the child, who he noticed was shaking with the effort to control his kikaichu as his own aunt periodically reached over and pinched him for not quieting them.

The coffin was brought in, lead by a priest who struck a bell at intervals, and the customs began. From the back of the room, forward, each Aburame solemnly marched forward, knelt before the box before the altar with the photo and said their prayers, either silently, to themselves, or whispered just loudly enough for Shino to hear.

But Shino was not paying attention. There was a pillow across from him that sat empty, and behind it- for it was only necessary to have two rows of pillows on either side of the room, the Aburame clan being small as it was- sat the maid, head dipped as was required, but staring at Shino. She, too, glanced at the unused pillow.

It was meant for Kiba.

And that bothered Shino, because Kiba was not there. _Could not__ have been_ there. And it was the right decision, he had done nothing wrong, nothing at all, and-

_It bothered him_.

Thus he struggled to focus on the parting words from his relatives to his father, whispered for the sake of his ears. He struggled to keep track of how many times the bell was rung- though he could have assumed based on the number of relatives he had, for the bell would be rung after each one had paid their respects- and he struggled to maintain his kikaichu's silence, which had previously been since he first knew of his father's death.

He was bothered, and it was because he had not allowed Kiba to attend.

And he remembered telling Kiba: I am not certain of the exact time. And he remembered Kiba accepting it for truth.

Bothered, but not guilty, because it wasn't a lie, Shino had not known what exact time the funeral would be held, only the day. Nevertheless, his words had been skirting the line between truth and deceit far too closely. Kiba trusted him, believed him, cared about him-

And that bothered him, too.

The bell was struck again, and Shino rose to pay his respects, shuffling forward on stiff knees. He had no idea how long he had been kneeling with ankles cushioned by the pillow, knees pressed firmly into the tatami mats. He hesitated at the foot of his father's coffin, briefly glancing up at his father's picture.

He couldn't remember if he had a photograph of his own...

He wasn't sure if he wanted to have one of his own.

Keeping these thoughts in mind, turning them over and contemplating them in any way he could imagine- not many- one hand before the other, he bent his normally ramrod straight back and touched his forehead to the floor, then harder, and still harder.

Why was he thinking of Kiba at such a critical moment? It was his father's funeral, his father who he should be paying his respects to!

And he wondered: how many others had come up to this very spot, and knelt, and thought of other things, exactly as he was then doing?

He needed to think, needed to form words fit for his father in his mind. He knew it was protocol for him to give a speech, if only a small one. But Shino did not have one prepared, as he had had little warning and had not been able to focus himself since.

He wondered how many other young Aburame children had improvised their parting speech at the funerals of their parents who, like his, had been eaten alive. He wondered how many of the adults here had been through this very moment he was experiencing- somewhere between clinging childishly and dutifully letting go, and between youth and ever old age, between life and relentless death, a room full of breathing, living bodies and the one, most important, cold one nailed in a lacquered wooden box- and then there was something creeping along his hand. Glancing down, he saw a lone black kikaichu; slightly more rounded and bulbous than any of his.

And unmistakably one of his father's.

His kikaichu ripped up a terrible roar, and the entire room stiffened, then allowed their kikaichu to drone loudly, thinking this was Shino's opener to his parting speech- uncustomary, but apparently they could excuse Shino, because Shino was friends with an Inuzuka.

Friends with an Inuzuka he had not permitted to come...

He glanced at the empty pillow once more, then winced, turning his attention back to the insect burrowing to the left of his right-hand ring-finger's knuckle. Instead of the skin sliding open easily to permit the insect enter or exit as it did for his own kikaichu, this one forced its way through, foreign to his body like any other object was. He screwed his eyes shut, pressing his forehead still harder against the floor until the pain ceased.

He allowed it, because this way, he had a bit of his father with him, always. There was no need for a photograph- now, he had something better.

And thus it was done and finished, and he stood, rubbing the back of his hand numbly. The priest struck the bell and the sound of it sliced through the air, clairvoyant and strong.

He glanced once more at the unoccupied space made for his friend, and silenced his riled kikaichu. He began his speech, and hoped his voice was steady:

"We gather to mourn the death of Aburame Shibi, clan head; a mentor, a friend, a _father_. I sincerely hope every person here has paid their due respects-" another undue glance at the pillow meant for Kiba "-because there are those who cannot, and as such those of us present are required to do so for them to the best of our abilities. Please, a moment of silence for Aburame Shibi, clan head, mentor, friend, and father."

The attending bowed their heads and a silence clung to the room like none Shino had ever experienced before, and it was exhilarating in a depressing way, to have this power, but to know what lay behind him, and at what costs this power was handed to him. The sound of the bell cut cleanly through the room one last time.

And he concluded: "May we each hold a bit of Shibi close to our hearts forever."

Then there was murmuring, the soft rustling of clothes as people rose, also ready for the ceremonies to be finished and done with.

_**- - -**_

_**- - -**_

IN ORDER TO get the mission done and over with as fast as possible, I only glanced over the picture of the snot-nosed brat I was retrieving once before exiting Konoha. I didn't take any of my certification papers with me, since the mission was only C-rank, and I mean, come on, I'm a _chuunin_, almost a jounin, I don't _need_ those things for this kinda mission. I did take the mission papers with me, though, just 'cuz I didn't want to stop at home to drop them off and it's unlawful to trash 'em.

And I was still worrying about my friend.

But Shino was a grown chuunin- almost jounin- seventeen- a year older than me- a hell of a lot more mature- that's a given- so I didn't need to worry about him. Not one bit.

Giving my head a good shake, I leapt to the trees for faster travel, Akamaru keeping to the ground below me- too big for speedy travel in the trees, plus he needed to find the scent of the kid who obviously would not have traveled in the trees.

I mean, Shino was Shino. Impassive, stoic, practically fucking emotionless... why would I worry about him? Seemed stupid. He'd be fine, perfectly fine.

But his dad was dead. Hell, his dad was dead and I _told_ him not to worry, what, three whole days ago? To just _forget_ about it?

Don't think I'd forgotten our conversation. Don't think _Shino'd_ forget our conversation.

Damnit. I wondered if he was bitter about it.

Akamaru barked loudly, signaling that he'd found the kid's scent. Good, the hard part was over. Now we just had to follow the trail and it'd lead us right to the brat.

Akamaru whined softly.

"Huh?" I said, "What's that? Oh, sorry, 'Kamaru, good job."

He let out a breath, unsatisfied with his praise. I let myself fall from the branches, landing straddling his back.

"Really," I said, reaching forward and scratching behind his ears, "I mean it. Good job."

He let out a yip, kinda like the ones he used to make when he was small enough that _I_ carried _him_, causing me to smile.

Ah, the good ol' days, right?

Anyway, so we followed the trail and I noticed that it wandered far from the main road to Konoha, taking an arcing path around the wall. I leaned over Akamaru's shoulder, trying to see ahead of him if there were any signs of passage. It wasn't like a little kid would know to cover his tracks- or even want to, since he was lost.

Damn, if the kid couldn't've just stayed put when he'd figured out he was alone.

I _hate_ kids.

Especially snot-nosed brats, like this one was. Take a look at his picture, and you'll know what I mean. He had small beady eyes set wide around a small bulbous nose. He had a little, pinched mouth from which a small stream of saliva dripped. The tip of his nose and the skin between his nose and upper lip were a raw pink-y color, evidence of perpetual wiping away of snot. His hair was short and fuzzy, but not curly. Like really poorly kept straight hair.

And people liked to say my hair looks unkempt. Please.

I didn't see any signs from atop 'Kamaru, but then it had been windy earlier in the day and the forest floor was covered with leaves, so any tracks would have been covered by the time Akamaru and I arrived. Any other, more subtle, signs I wouldn't be able to see from my position at the speed we were going.

"Doin' great, 'Kamaru," I urged my companion; "We'll get 'im in no time and be back before dinner. You want steak tonight, huh, buddy?"

"Arf!" he answered, his tongue lolling out of his mouth at the proposition. I laughed half-heartedly, scratching behind his ear.

I wondered what Shino would have for dinner, and if the maid would cook for him, or if she'd abandon him without the patronage of his father.

Well, of course she wouldn't. And what an absurd thing to wonder- _dinner_, of all things!

Just another form of worrying. Damnit, it was getting annoying.

I repeated the list of reasons I didn't need to worry about Shino again, embellishing it with more cursing and insults at myself, tacking on a few more lame reasons why not to worry.

I titled it my _Why Not To Worry About Shino_ list, and decided to share it with Hinata later.

Which reminded me that I hadn't seen Hinata since we'd gotten back. Had anybody told her, yet?

Oh god, I didn't want to be the one to share the news again.

"Arf!" Akamaru sounded again, stopping just shy of a steep cliff- the back of the Hokage engravings. I slid off his back, giving him a thankful pat on the shoulder.

"Good work," I told him, peering up at the wall, examining it, "I'll take it from here. Stay close, okay?"

He licked my face in acknowledgement, and I chuckled and wiped off the slobber.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry," I said, grabbing hold and beginning my ascent, "It's nothing to worry about."

So, I could have used chakra to just walk up the mountain, but there was something about climbing with my own hands and feet and my own muscles that was a bit more satisfying. Besides, I reasoned, I would need the chakra for when I had to carry the damned kid down the mountain.

How'd he even get up there in the first place? Now there was a thought.

I topped the edge and crawled onto the top. The mountain of the Hokage's faces was a lot wider than most people thought. Something near a half a mile thick. That's a pretty good distance, and it was windy up there. Too much sand was blowing around for me to catch a scent without getting a nasty nose full of dirt.

I figured I'd just look until I found him, because there was no way I was pressing my nose to _that_ ground.

I had to get back for Shino, because Shino didn't really have anyone but me. Tsunade'd mentioned the maid, but like I said, she was as good as useless. Hinata might have been an option, but I didn't think she knew, and Shino probably wasn't going to tell her unless he had to. There really wasn't anyone else, because Shino had already told me he wasn't close with any of his relatives.

Were there even any children in the Aburame, or was Shino the youngest one? There was another thought.

But who cared about the children? What was Shino going to do without a dad? And what would he do without his friend either?

What _would_ he do?

Would he cry? No, that wouldn't be like Shino. And I'd already cried for him. Would he be angry? Naw, he'd probably just accept it and try to cope. Would he hurt himself?

I stopped abruptly.

_Would he hurt himself_?

I didn't figure Shino for the type, but it was something to worry about. I mean, he fights with bugs. And they have to come out through his _skin_ for crying out loud. There's no way that doesn't hurt, at least a little bit-

And _would he turn to pain_ in order to deal with his sorrow?

That scared me, because as impossible as it was to picture him doing that... it was also impossible to dredge up any evidence against him doing so, either.

I looked up from my feet and spotted a blur in the distance. Squinting at it, I broke into a fast jog.

"Hey, kid!" I shouted, "You lost?"

The small figure turned around, and I caught the sound of a snivel, and saw the child reach up with a hand to wipe under his nose. It was the target, and I sped up.

I needed to get him and get back- _fast_. Because Shino was at his home, alone with a useless maid, and he could be hurting himself, and I wasn't there to stop him.

"Don't worry!" I called, "I'm here to bring you back to your pare-"

I let out a loud yell as the ground beneath me exploded in a fantastic array of oranges and pinks and, god forbid, _reds_. I hoped it wasn't my blood, and I should have hoped it wasn't the target's blood, but the thought didn't cross my mind until I landed on my back, skidding a few more meters from the site of impact.

The sun glared in my eyes, and I faintly heard the high pitch of a child shrieking, but all I could think about was Shino, and if _he_ was okay.

_**- - -**_

_**- - -**_

SHINO FOUND HIMSELF faced with the Hokage almost immediately after exiting the room in which his father lay. She stared him down domineeringly.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" he said.

"I gave Kiba that mission you requested," she told him tartly. He nodded.

"That is apprecia-"

"It was a good speech, Shino," she continued softly with a small smile. Shino tucked his chin in, wishing he had his high collar to hide behind. Tsunade placed a hand on his shoulder- he assumed it was meant to be comforting- and it was all he could do not to shrug it away.

"I'm sorry about your father," she whispered, assuming a far off gaze, "But I'm sure you'll cope."

"Thankyou, Hokage-sa-"

"I'm afraid that I'm busy today," she sighed, not hearing his words. The hand slipped away; "I must return to my office as soon as possible. Good luck, Shino."

This time Shino simply nodded as she disappeared from the building.

It was not long before his relatives began to assail him with similar apologies for the death of his father and offers to help in any way possible, and Shino began to feel smothered. As soon as it was possible to do so politely, he retired to his room, wishing dearly that the Aburame residence had doors other than the sliding ones on all four sides of the house, leading outside.

He slumped into his chair at his desk, and something shifted with the rush of air it displaced. Shino stared at it.

It was the will.

And it was open.

Shino stared at it, wondering by what devilry the document had been opened and, god forbid, _read_ without his knowledge or consent. A few long moments passed before he reached out and turned it toward him, sitting up in his chair to read.

_"My Dear Son..."_ it began, _"I bequest unto you my parting words. I-"_

Shino paused to push his thumb and index fingers under his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. He leaned forward to click on his desk lamp- a less ornate copy of his father's.

"What are you doing in 'ere!?" the maid exclaimed, barging into his room. Shino turned in his chair, glaring at her.

"I am attempting to read my father's will," he told her, "If you will..." He gestured for her to leave. She huffed, placing her hands on her hips, feet apart.

"Well, if you would _be_ so rude!" she spat, "You still have guests to attend to, you do! Now get out of this room- or at least crack a window!"

"No," Shino stated, standing. "You will not _crack_ any windows, and you will not order me around. I may not be my father, and I may not be clan head, and I may not be your employer, but I will demand respect."

That said, he seemed to sag a little, tired with the day. Shino just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up for a very, very long time.

"Well, if I do!" she exclaimed, stepping back from the sliding door she had been preparing to open. "And but that is not all true!"

"What do you mean?" Shino asked, consternated.

"You're to be the new clan head!" she explained, "Your father's will says so, it does."

Shino felt his whole body shake with rage. "You... are the one who opened the will?"

She shrugged. "Well, you were away, and I had no idea when you was going to be comin' back! So I took it upon myself to read it and see if there were any specifications concerning the funeral."

Shino controlled his anger, clenching and unclenching his fists. It was just a document, just a piece of paper-

But, damnit, it was _his_ document, his piece of paper!

"I'm to be the new clan head?" he repeated hollowly after a few calming breaths.

"You sure are!" she answered, "Now, that aside, you need to get out there and deal with your relatives! They can't leave until you dismiss them, you know!"

"I asked you to stop ordering me around," Shino ground out, "And as clan head, I am permitted to fire you if you do not cease immediately."

She blinked once. Then, in a low voice, asked, "Well, and are you gonna do the same to me as your father did?"

This time Shino blinked. "I do not understand. My father fired you?"

"No, heavens no!" she let out a soft, but vicious laugh, "He forced me to do what he wanted. I say, are you goin to do the same as your old man?"

"If necessary, then yes," Shino decided, sighing and pressing two fingers to his temple.

She frowned, and if Shino had glanced up he would have seen the fear and disdain flicker across her eyes. "So be it! But _you_ don't know what he _did_, do you?"

Shino thought about it. "I can think of a few reasons. But why don't you just tell me?"

She scowled, pushing past him and seating herself in his desk chair. Shino felt another surge of rage at her actions, clenched and unclenched his fists, and waited for her to speak. She removed her bonnet and ran a hand through her sandy colored hair.

"Well, and he _forced_ me to do what he wanted."

"You have already stated this."

"Let me finish, for goodness sakes!" she exclaimed, fisting her hair. "You don't know the half of it! Oh, you may think he waved my wages at me, my housing! But no, that's not what he did! _Come here, miss_, he said, as kind as kind gets, and I said, _what d'ya want now?_ He reaches over and presses a hand to my neck and by god, if it wasn't the most painful experience of my life! He says-"

"Can we get to the point?" Shino asked, bringing up his second hand to massage both temples, "Please."

"And just give me a moment here, you!" she shouted. Shino froze in his ministrations, once again quelling his anger. She let out a breath and continued: "He says, _now, if you do not stop reprimanding my son where it is not deserved and when it is my duty, not yours, then this kikaichu I have implanted in your cerebrum will kill you. It will be short, and most likely painless, but I would suggest you remember your place as_ respectful _maid in this household_. And after that, I tell you, I did remember."

She looked up at Shino now, "So, you tell me, will you be doing the same as your father before you?"

Shino frowned.

Had his father really done such a thing?

He found it difficult to believe.

But, it made sense. He could vaguely remember the maid always mouthing off to his father, and he could remember being apprehended, spanked, and scolded by her even more often. When she had suddenly gone mute and timid, he had thought nothing of it, it not being his business.

Shino removed his glasses- the maid closed her eyes, but Shino closed his as well, for good measure- and cleaned them off with the sleeve of his jacket.

It was not something he wished to know about his father.

He sighed as he slipped his glasses back on. No, he would do as his father had done.

"What is your name?" he said.

"... Nana."

"Nana?"

She shrugged. "My mum's favorite number was seven."

"Ah, I see."

"So, you're not gunna do what your dad did, _right_?" she pressed. Shino adjusted his yukata and turned.

"I will dismiss the guests now," he stated. Nana grinned.

"Well, what're you waitin' for? Get goin'!"

_**- - -**_

IT UPSET SHINO to know what his father had done, when all his life he had seen his father as the most respectable person in the world, and he wondered why he had to find out not hours after the funeral. It was all just so overwhelming.

It reminded him of the first few weeks of training with Kiba.

When he returned to the main room, the casket and the flowers remained, but the table had been moved back in, and four pillows arranged around it, three on one side and one on the other. Occupying three of the pillows were the three faces Shino had not recognized. His eyebrows drew together as he approached, carefully kneeling on the remaining pillow, across from the elder woman.

"I have dismissed the guests," Shino stated, not understanding why they were still present. The mother nodded.

"Yes, we know," he sighed, waving a hand to dismiss the idea, "But there is something important we must discuss with you, however."

Shino frowned. "Something important?"

"Your marriage!" she exclaimed, a hand flying up to cover her heart, as though the idea that Shino had not known was the most shocking occurrence in the world. Shino blinked behind his glasses.

"My marriage...?" He thought. "Oh, yes, I remember the negotiations when I was a child. I thought the wedding was not to take place until the Lady was nineteen."

She sighed, flipping a section of her curls over a shoulder, "But without your father, you must be wed!"

"And why is that?"

The maid came in, pulled up a pillow and sat next to Shino. She folded her hands on the table, looking the woman in the eyes. "I will speak on the behalf of Shibi."

Shino looked at her incredulously, mouth open. He snapped it shut as soon as he realized he was gaping and returned his gaze to the woman. This wasn't a moment he wanted to spend arguing with his maid. So long as she acted respectably before the parents of his future bride, Shino did not care.

"You see, in order to become clan head, one must be married so that there is no fear for lack of a successor," the maid explained, for Shino's benefit, and the woman across from them rolled her eyes dramatically behind her fancy shades. Shino nodded.

"I understand," he confirmed, "But as long as the marriage is set in stone, why should it be rushed?"

"Because there is no-one available to take temporary lead of the clan," the woman explained, brushing imaginary dust off one of her gloves, "Besides, back in our village we are constantly in danger of attack. We fear for our daughter's life every waking moment! She will be so much safer here in Konoha-" the woman burst into tears, sobbing into the husband's shoulder, who looked extremely uncomforted by the contact. Suddenly, she made a recovery, leaning over the table and grasping Shino's hands imploringly, "-Please! Wed our daughter and keep her in your home, where she will be safe!"

Shino opened his mouth to protest, but the maid cut him off.

"Of course, in fact, she may stay here until the wedding ceremonies," Shino shot her a look that blatantly said no, "And you can stay as well, if you want to."

Shino resisted the urge to reach up and massage his temples, opting to remain still as was protocol. The woman across from him laughed childishly, covering her mouth.

"Oh, no, no!" she giggled, "We just _must_ return home to protect our house and belongings!"

Shino didn't believe it for one moment. He didn't dare glance at his betrothed fiancée, but from what he remembered of her, she was a plain, homely girl- almost ugly, in fact- and was not surprised that they would want to be rid of her as soon as possible. The Aburame required no dowry, and Shino did not doubt they would sell every single thing the girl owned once she was away and done with.

He almost felt sorry for her, but this was the way the Aburame worked.

"That's fine," the maid nodded, "When should we set the date for the ceremonies?"

"Soon!" the woman exclaimed, then cleared her throat self consciously, "So that Shino-kun can become clan head right away."

She fixed her gaze on the maid, pointedly avoiding the harsh look Shino sent her at her choice of honorific and the use of his personal name. Out of the corner of his eye- and he swore he wasn't _trying_ to see her- the girl bowed her head, shoulders tucked up to her ears.

"Ten days it is," the maid confirmed with a nod, causing Shino's attention to snap back to the negotiations, "Miss...?"

"Aburame Shiori," she smiled, "My husband is Aburame Kumitsuru. The daughter is Aburame Kumori."

The maid bowed, Shino belatedly remembering his manners and pressing his forehead to the mats as well. The parents awkwardly followed, Kumori flowing through the motions like water. Or silk. In Shino's mind, like the silvery threads of a spider's web strung between two trees in the woods.

He was getting married. In ten days. To a girl named Kumori, whom he had only met once before in his entire life.

More importantly, he was going to be clan head, like his father's father's father, and his father's father, and his father, before him. He straightened from the bow, looking up at the ceiling as he knelt, the maid leading the guests away.

Was his father proud, somewhere up there?

He looked down at the black box to his right. He looked down and glared at it.

He was following in his father's footsteps, as had been planned from his birth, but was it really what he wanted?

Did he _want_ to be his father before him?

_**- - -**_

_**- - -**_

SOMEONE WAS CRYING, very loudly and obnoxiously. I grunted, pushing myself up on my elbows. The sun was setting, casting my surroundings in a bloody red. Forcing myself into a sitting position, I bit back a howl at the pain which stabbed through my legs.

I looked down, gulped audibly, blinking a few times to make sure I wasn't just imagining things.

My legs. My goddamn, fucking legs!

That exploding tag got me bad. My legs were burnt- still smoldering in places- all the way up to an inch above my knees, and the charred remnants of my pants stuck in the deep cracks in the skin, turning the blood that seeped out a putrid brown. They were extremely pink and red- like medium-rare steak, the way Akamaru and I liked ours to be cooked- and in one spot on my right calf I could see all the way to the bone through a crack.

Holy shit. I had managed to seriously screw up a C-rank mission that hadn't even taken me one kilometer from Konoha. Hell, I was still technically _inside_ Konoha!

Though, I guess it was stupid of me to forget that this _was_ the top of the Hokage carvings, an unguarded entrance to Konoha. Of course it would be filled with mines and pits and all kinds of other ungodly traps. It was a miracle the kid had missed them!

Shit, the target.

I tried to get up, but fell back. A few pieces of burnt skin and cloth fell off. I gagged, rolling over onto all fours, ignoring the shock of pain as my cracked and bleeding knees connected with the sandy ground.

"H-hang on," I coughed, standing shakily. I took the first few steps toward the kid, holding out my singed hand, "Are you hurt?"

He looked up at me, sniveling, then down at my legs. His eyes widened and he stumbled back a few paces, opening his mouth to let out a piercing wail. I lunged forward, covering his mouth- and his eyes- with my hands.

"Don't!" I growled, "My name is Inuzuka Kiba. I'm here to help you, so do me a favor and be quiet- as in _don't make a fucking sound_- while I get you back to your family."

He chocked on a sob, and I pulled my hands away before any snot dripped on me, finding myself suddenly more concerned with that than my legs, which were shaking, and my toes were numb. I couldn't feel them.

It occurred to me that they might not even be there anymore, and I lifted a shaking hand to my mouth, and bit it, trying to keep my tongue away from the metallic taste of blood, calming myself.

No time to look, just grab the kid and fucking go.

"I'm gunna carry you," I said as an afterthought, so the kid wouldn't freak out on me. He wiped his nose on his sleeve, giving me a confused look before I slung him onto my back. He hooked his legs around my waist and I linked my arms behind my back, under him, to keep him from slipping off.

With the numbness preventing pain, and already having taken my first few stumbling steps, running back to the edge of the cliff and calling for Akamaru came easily. The power of adrenaline.

Akamaru came rushing over the side of the cliff, landing to my right. He saw my legs and whined, dropping his nose to sniff at them.

"Forget it, 'Kamaru," I growled, transferring the target onto his back. He lay down for me so I could get on easier, "Just get us back to Konoha."

He whined, but complied. I bit the inside of my cheek as the cold night wind rushed over my legs- it was still winter- and held onto the nearly sleeping mark.

And shit, my legs were burnt to a crisp, but I was _still_ worrying about Shino.

Was Shino okay, was Shino okay? _Was Shino okay_?

What about me, a little voice at the back of my head simpered.

I ignored it, my legs could be healed. They weren't as bad as some shinobi came home with, and they were healed just fine. I would be no different.

But whatever hurt Shino experienced when I was away- physically and emotionally... especially emotionally- was not the kind of hurt that could be healed so easily.

And damnit, I wasn't there for Shino, like I was supposed to be!

"Hang on Shino," I panted, swiping at my eyes, "I'm coming for you, I'm coming!"

The gates of Konoha came into view. I silently urged Akamaru on, our surroundings melting into a blur as he picked up speed.

I was coming home to Shino; I would be there for Shino.

I would be, I would be...

We cleared the gates, the two nin on patrol standing suddenly.

_I'm coming home, Shino, I'll be there for you-_

I felt myself slipping off of Akamaru's back as the last rays of sun sparked and disappeared behind the Hokage engravings, and I didn't know if it was the night that cast my world into darkness, or if I had passed out.

* * *

**Oh. My. God. I wrote 27 flippin' pages for this one chapter //beats herself over the head repeatedly// and 9,600+ words (just the story; including summary, Author's Notes, and thanks it was around 10,500 words). Long story short, ho my geezuses; I worked my tail off, so this will be the one and only time ever I tell you: GIVE ME REVIEWS!! I am hungry for reviews, because I think this chapter is worth it!**

**Also try to find it in your hearts to thank my BETA, since she had to proof this chapter more than five times as I wrote and re-wrote scenes, and was an idiot and titled each version the same so we had lotsa confusion about sending the right documents back and forth.**

**On a side note, there was stuff I was supposed to explain for this chapter, but I can't remember it any more.**

**Kumori's name was given to me by DancerOfShadows and means spider (or cloudy, but I felt spider was more fitting). Her personality was inspired by O-Lan from The Good Earth, which I am/was required to read for my English class next year.**

**Oh, right, I remembered now what I was going to point out. The memories, neh? They weren't just there for flare. They were actually important- the one where he remembered the maid being loud and out-of-line, and the one where he remembered the negotiations.**

**Pay attention to pretty much every detail, 'cuz I don't like to put stuff in my stories that don't tie in with the plot at some point.**

**That aside, I implore you, once again, to REVIEW! I swear, it is the only time I will ever ask.**

* * *

LePyro: _Wow, I'm so glad you think that (I revised that chapter twelve different times before I posted it) and I'm always happy to hear when someone notices my diction... I used to have bookmarked. Thanks for reviewing!_

Michiru's Mirror: _Oh, I'm so glad you liked Shino's reaction! I hated it when I first wrote it, but after about the sixth revision decided that I was actually pretty pleased with it. Hee hee, I didn't really picture Kiba being what you called him, but I'm so glad you brought up Tsume's reaction! It totally hadn't crossed my mind that maybe -she-, as Kiba's mom, should play a part in the story. Rest assured that I will take care of that in later chapters. Thankyou!_

missionquestthing: _Ah, you'll feel sorry for more than just those three by the end of it, but hush hush! No spoilers. Thanks for reviewing!_

mandarin'peel: _Oh, I'm sorry for making you cry! (but that's what happens when you read a tragedy (or at least what's supposed to happen) right?) I hope you liked it despite the tears; thankies for the review._

thechickenlittle: _Awe, I'm so glad you think they're in character! OOC is one of my three greatest fears when writing Fanfiction, so I'm always glad to hear when I've done good (and when I've done bad). I like your description of the chapter, it's exactly the way I was trying to capture the moment (or should that be moments?) Thanks for reviewing!_

naptownbaby: _I'm glad you like it so much, and that you think it's good! (I'd ask, but I'm sure you're reading __**Lies**__ by __**Leviticus Lied**__, because that is one of my two most favorite Shino x Kiba series ever) Again, glad you like, and thanks for reviewing!_

raethestampede: _I love it... the scene now has a title. Cute. But gosh, I just can't get over all these people saying "I almost cried" and stuff... I knew that's what I was aiming for by writing a tragedy, it's just... a whole different game when it actually starts happening. I'm starting to feel kind of bad... Sometime in the future (the very far, distant one) I'll throw in a happy chapter for everyone (because, really, Shino and Kiba and the cast will definitely deserve a moment of happiness by then). Thankyou for reviewing!_

Falling Tears of Death: _Nyah! I guess it's obvious now that I have updated //stressed out from all the requests to update// But I'm glad you like it! I will try my best not to lose faith (and with so many reviewers, I'm sure I won't!) Thankyou for reviewing! This review has officially broken my record for the most reviews on one chapter._


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